Thursday, 19 May 2011

you made me merry, made me very very happy, but you obviously, you didn't want to stick around

i wouldn't think it would be so hard to, you know, send me an email or a facebook message or call.

i think i just struggle with the idea that people can walk into your life and become a really big part really fast, and then just bail when it's not convenient anymore.

that's how i feel about my german friends today.

i mean, i still have fond feelings towards them, and i think highly of them. but, as i sit here feeling some l'arche homesickness, i realize they both have just peaced out of my life. i've tried to communicate with both of them with my efforts unrequitted so far. it seems a conversation can't go beyond face value with them anymore.

i think i'm most upset because i so genuinely believed they valued and cared about me. i look back, and now, realize that they just did and say the typical cliche things. i guess i over invested, and i fell for the silly boy games that girls always end up getting hurt by. i usually pride myself in not being the typical, run-of-the-mill girl. Usually, I don't fit the mold. I have an annoying confidence, I'm generally open minded and forgiving, and I'd like to think I'm pretty darn independent (I don't want to share all my friends with my boyfriend, they're my friends for goodness sake!).

but this time, I didn't stand out.

I could sit and dwell about it, but instead I think I'll just learn from my mistake, stick to my guns, and make the other dons on the don team (Trevor and Bjorn) realize how amazing and wonderful I am, so that they'll at least miss me when I go back to L'Arche.

Watch out U of Waterloo. I'm back, and ready to rock this place with my extreme levels of awesome. It sucks to be anyone who's let me go these days.

- ella faye

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