wanna have a slumber party in my basement?

my life is friggen hilarious.

today my friend adam tried to break open a watermelon with his head.

it's days like these that just amaze me. I have an unfair amount of joy and laughter in my life!

I can sit around, with a group of friends, and enjoy watching adam make a gosh darned fool out of himself.

my favourite part about the video, is that you can hear everyone's laughter. It's like a chorus. I watched it over and over again just enjoying the sound of happiness.

you can't buy happiness, but you can buy a watermelon, and my friends can provide the happiness with that.

- ella faye

p.s. I've officially determined i have no shot with the mystery boy. time to deal with the getting over myself process, and not letting myself get down about it.

i'm a little more than useless (and i never knew i knew this).

I wish I had the work ethic of an engineer.

I'm in Social Development Studies and Business. It might not sounds like a breeze (or, it might, aha), but it pretty much is. I have maximum of 3.5 hours of class in a day, and no class on friday. I only have 1 formal exam, and in many of my classes, I actually get marks for showing up. 

But, because the set up is easy, I don't commit to my education nearly as much as I'd like too! 

I have 2 midterms this week.

Have I studied? Absolutely not.

Will I pass? You can pretty much count on it.

But I won't be proud of myself! 

Living with all engineers is starting to inspire me. I see how much work it takes for them, and how they commit so much. I feel like I'm doing myself an injustice! 

Recently, I have finally started committing to things, and I really like to feeling of accomplishment. In past terms, I've pretty much wasted my time away watching countless episodes of the Real Housewives and playing euchre. I by no means plan on giving such things up entirely (let's face it, these are valuable and educational portions of my life) but I should commit to things that have a more widespread agreement of significance. 

I started going to Yoga more consistently, and I feel good about it. Not only am I getting even more ridiculously good looking, but I generally feel healthier and have something to work on and look forward too. I even starting bringing a girl I live with a long, which is fun girl bonding time! 

I also am donning, which takes huge commitment, and although sometimes is stressful and exhausting, is overall a positive experience. I like investing in the girls on my floor, and getting to know them better. We've had some awesome floor events, and I'm especially looking forward to "Awkward fashion show/balloon popping in high heels night" which is coming up on Thursday. It's a sweet life living on Down Under.

And now, I'm committing to more success in school. I have to laugh because my parents always knew I could to better. I remember bringing home and 83% at midterm in grade 9 science, and my dad telling me I needed a tutor if I was going to do so poorly. He knew what I was capable of, I'm just a big slacker. I guess it's time for me to make him proud and pull my shit together, aha.

Realistically, this won't happen. Tomorrow I'll decide my grades are good enough. But today, I'm feeling inspired, so roll with me on this one (afterall, this epiphany could be a real asset for my midterm tomorrow afternoon).

Until tomorrow, let the genius in me be released! :)

Sliding down a waterfall up north.
"Just roll with me on this one."

- ella faye

it's time to decide.

also,

- ella faye

looks like it all went wrong, what am i to do?

sometimes i struggle with the idea of saying no "just because".

no, I don't want to call you tonight.

no, I don't want to take this duty shift.

no, you can't borrow my car today.

why? just because.

I'm really trying to learn to stick up for myself in this aspect, but it's taking some hard work!

I just don't want to be a let down! I know I'm all super confident and stuff, but, I'm still human, and it still really matters me that people feel like they can depend and rely on me.

Where is the line between being supportive and loving, and letting myself get taken advantage of?

I by no means think my friends or coworkers mean to take advantage of me, but sometimes I think it happens without people realizing it.

This is something I know a lot of people have trouble with, which is funny, because if we all just want to say no for no real reason sometimes, why should we judge the people who actually do it?!

Life is funny. and still awesome :)

- ella faye

i just want to be perceived the way i am.

today I made approximately 300 mocktails.

my body aches.

i'm sticky.

and I can't feel the tips of my fingers are numb, making typing this amazingly difficult.

4 hours, 300 mocktails.

I don't do math, but if I did, I would tell you that's fast.



Today was tour day at UW, and I was nominated as Mocktail queen.

It all started last year, when a guy bailed on a student event, and I filled him by making mocktails for him. So, when we decided to sell ourselves out by handing out free food and beverages, it was an easy pick to put me up for the job.

After long arguments with my boss, I was not allowed to wear a coconut bra and grass skirt (which SO would have sold our rooms!) but I didn't let that get me down. I knew I could become the mocktail master, and nothing was going to stop me.

I was out there like a machine! Running three blenders at once, trying not to slip on ice on the floor, socializing with those desperate highschool boys who don't really want to be on these tours but their moms make them, and putting cute little umbrellas just so on the side of the glasses.

But, sadly, I might be a mocktail machine, but I am not creative.

We ran out of grenadine, sprite, lemonade, and just about every other source of flavour,
so by the end of tour days, every mocktail was just a diluted orange-pineapple frothy mush. yumm.

I tried to solve the problem by using some juice from the caf, but no luck.

I tried making them look cute (as we'd also run out of umbrellas) by putting orange slices on the side.

still no.

oh well, you win some, you lose some.

but seriously, i should drop out and bartend for the rest of my life. Also, come to UW, we've got it going on (and we hand out free food now).

Also, on a side note, I'm missing theatre today. 

- ella faye

there's nothing here to hold onto (can I hold you?)

Now let me tell you something.

Being the beautiful and vivacious woman that I am,

Guys often crush on me.

In fact, I've often had my pick of men interested, which can be a big bummer when you have to consider fragile friendships and such, not that I'm complaining, because overall, it's a good spot to be in.

But, those days are behind me, I've lost my touch, and it's quite devastating.

Don't get me wrong, I have been quite enjoying the single life, but something happened. This is a pretty big deal, so you have to hear me out.

I have a crush on this guy in res.

Only once in my whole life have I liked someone before they've like me,

and, well, Josh never liked me back, so that one didn't really work out for me.

I don't even know what to do with myself! I don't know how to act, what to say, or even how to feel out the situation! I feel like a little lost puppy!

I might just give up hope, I'm 99% sure he's way out of my league, I'm old news after all.

But, just maybe, things could work in my favour!

Keep rooting for me. I'll keep you updated. But seriously, I'm not letting my hopes get too high. I'm new at this, and being so far out of my comfort zone is throwing me off a little!

looking forward, and taking a giant risk.

- ella faye

go insane, go insane, throw some glitter, make it rain.

so i went clubbing with my friend Carrie last night.

I know it's was Wednesday (she just said "i'm telling you, it's the best time to get drunk!"), but we have Bomber night at the bar on campus and I'm on a two drink limit all the time as a don, so what does it matter what night I go out?

and this super hot, scottish smokeshow kissed me.

I was super happy, it seemed like I got my swagger back! He wasn't your typical clubbing guy, he was kind of sweet and shy! Seems like the kind of guy I would bring home to mama. (Baha, totally kidding, my mom would freak if I brought home some guy I met while clubbing, she's super conservative).

but then, he bailed on me! What a douchebag! I found his friend later, who explained to me that the scottish hottie totally has girlfriend!

I'm such a freaking homewrecker.

But when I said Germans were the best kissers, I might take it back. Scottish boys FTW.

The sun in Panama.
Athough he was great, this moment was better.

- ella faye

i'll give you an empty page, this is the time and place.

sometimes I just need to make some more confessions.

-

sometimes i need to really appreciate the beauty in the simple things.

but sometimes i need to search beyond the surface.

-

sometimes I hide all my clocks for a day and just enjoy life without the restriction of time.

-

sometimes I wonder why things never work out for me,

but I'm learning to be grateful for what I have.

-

sometimes, I wish with all my heart that he'd come back for me,

sometimes I hope and pray never to see him again,

and sometimes I just have no feelings towards him at all.

-

sometimes I just need to take in a deep breath and let all my stress go.

-

sometimes I hid under my covers at night and just express my fears about the future to my stuffed animals,

and sometimes I dress up and pretend I'm me ten years from now.

-

sometimes I just want to be held,

and sometimes I just want to hold someone else.

-

sometimes when I'm sad, I just watch cute kitten videos on youtube to make it better.

-

sometimes I pretend to be dumber than I am to avoid intimidating people,

sometimes I pretend to be smarter than I am to avoid embarrassment,

but if you know me really well, sometimes I do open up to be the real, true and honest me.

-

sometimes I wish someone would slap my ass because someone needs to appreciate my little white girl booty.

-

sometimes I laugh just because it's simpler than crying.

-

sometimes I wish I could be more athletic,

or more artistic,

or more intelligent,

or more brave,

but sometimes I'm amaze myself with the well rounded and complete person i'm turning out to be.

-

sometimes I wish anyone could understand all my complexities,

but, this is a start, right?

sometimes no horizons seem broad enough.
this is sibling love.

- ella faye

i could try it with a waltz, i could try it rock and roll.

i know i complained in an earlier blog post about the rain.

and truth be told, it was a little hypocritical, because I really, really love the rain.

but, not like drizzly and miserable, like it was earlier this month,

i like the "in-your-face-can't-avoid-it-overwhelming-heaven's-opened-up-and-spilled-it's-guts" kind of rain.

Rain is amazing. Seriously, it's water falling from the sky.  I think people forget how incredible that is! If cheerios or lemonade or beanie babies started falling from the sky, people would be so amazed! We complain about the rain all the time, but it's such an amazing thing! God just blows my mind!

Today we had that kind of rain, and I was quite the show of the college when I ran out to jump in some puddles.

There are 2 reasons why I puddle jump in the pouring rain: because enjoying the littlest, most natural things in life keep me full of joy, and because rain like that makes me feel close to God.

There is something about standing in the rain, letting myself get soaked to the bone and laughing as I jump in puddles that humbles me, and reminds me of the beauty God has brought into my life.

And also, growing up is scary. Filling my life with sweet, fun, simple and wonderful moments like that remind me to keep a childlike happiness. Sometimes I get made fun of because I laugh way to much and often can't control it, or because I occasionally behave "childishly", but to me, these behaviours are so wonderful. I may be crazy, but I am so, so completely happy, and that's something I'm not willing to give up.

So, I dare you, next time it rains like you can't even imagine, go outside. Be a kid, laugh, dance, jump. Who cares if people watch, who cares if you're soaked and who cares if your feet get a little dirty. Connect with your inner child, it's amazing how much joy he/she can bring. And everything else in life is just a little bit easier when joy shines through.

so what if i'm a nut case. I'm still friggen awesome.

"if a song could get me you."
there is a valuable difference between childishness and child-like.

- ella faye

i'm about to break your heart, and you don't know.

Finally, summer has arrived.

I've spent the past couple of days outside soaking up the sun and enjoying plenty of Kan Jam and Beach Volleyball (I must say, great improvements have happened!)

Also, I got my bloodwork back, and it all came back clear, but the doctor wants me to come back in a month to repeat the process.

Recently, I have been soaking up the single life like you wouldn't even imagine.

I honestly, thought I would hate being single, that I would wake up every morning wondering where I went wrong and how come I wasn't good enough, but instead, I wake up every morning and think "Damn I'm sexy, happy, and wonderful" - It's a great feeling.

Also, I love the thrill of playing the field and having new experiences. I'm meeting new people, people that I probably wouldn't have gotten to know if I had been spending all my spare time on the phone or computer chatting with a special someone. And, I'm really loving the new people I'm meeting.

This weekend, I got to know some of the guys who live on LOFT (all the floors in my res have names, I live on Down Under and the two guys floors are Midway and LOFT). They rock and I'm glad to have started to get to know them. It's funny cause I lived with them in Fall term,  but had so much going on, I can't say I know if I'd ever spoken to them before moving in here.

I just am so amazed at how life works, and tears people a part to bring other people together. God just works so wonderously.

On a side note, what a shocker the rapture didn't happen yesterday, bahaha. I spent rapture time playing euchre with 3 super hot guys, I could have left the earth happy in that moment :P


I'm finally embracing what my life is now. I'm not going to take things to heart as much anymore, I know max and flo are great guys, they are just busy, they're moving on without me, and I shouldn't have expected things to go any differently. I can't dwell on how things ended with Daniel, I need to just be happy that he is happy now, and accept that people sometimes move forward before you're ready for them too. I can't feel jaded about Keegan anymore, because he needs to learn his own lessons, and if we lose each other in the process, we'll deal with that as it comes.

Life is beautiful. Instead of worrying about all my losses, I need to focus on my gains. There are 40 other people in this building who all have a story, and it's time for me to put my shit behind me and open myself up to hear some new stories.

I am blessed. I am blessed to have had the people in my life that I've already been influenced by, and I'm blessed to have the people who will touch my life in the future.

I'm ready for a fresh start. I'm ready for joy, and it's here.

- ella faye

you made me merry, made me very very happy, but you obviously, you didn't want to stick around

i wouldn't think it would be so hard to, you know, send me an email or a facebook message or call.

i think i just struggle with the idea that people can walk into your life and become a really big part really fast, and then just bail when it's not convenient anymore.

that's how i feel about my german friends today.

i mean, i still have fond feelings towards them, and i think highly of them. but, as i sit here feeling some l'arche homesickness, i realize they both have just peaced out of my life. i've tried to communicate with both of them with my efforts unrequitted so far. it seems a conversation can't go beyond face value with them anymore.

i think i'm most upset because i so genuinely believed they valued and cared about me. i look back, and now, realize that they just did and say the typical cliche things. i guess i over invested, and i fell for the silly boy games that girls always end up getting hurt by. i usually pride myself in not being the typical, run-of-the-mill girl. Usually, I don't fit the mold. I have an annoying confidence, I'm generally open minded and forgiving, and I'd like to think I'm pretty darn independent (I don't want to share all my friends with my boyfriend, they're my friends for goodness sake!).

but this time, I didn't stand out.

I could sit and dwell about it, but instead I think I'll just learn from my mistake, stick to my guns, and make the other dons on the don team (Trevor and Bjorn) realize how amazing and wonderful I am, so that they'll at least miss me when I go back to L'Arche.

Watch out U of Waterloo. I'm back, and ready to rock this place with my extreme levels of awesome. It sucks to be anyone who's let me go these days.

- ella faye

and after this day, it's this week all over again.

it has rained here for what feels like 100 days in a row.

I realize this is unrealistic, because I haven't even been here for 100 days, but seriously, we've only had like, 1 or 2 sunny days since i've been here!

This also makes me very sad because this is the first term where more than half my classes take place outside of my building.

I feel like a ninja dodging from covered area to covered area while trying to avoid angry geese. My life has turned into some sick video game where geese might chase me if they see me (reminding me much of those damned bugcatchers/other opponents in Pokemon) and where each class is a different level, according to their distance/route from my room.

I mean, I could carry an umbrella, but a) My ninja skills have greatly diminished since not using them for four months, and b) I'm way too cool to be seen carrying an open umbrella.

Unfortunately, due to those darned environment students, my favourite route too and from class is under construction, so I've had to be creative and I feel like each time I have found a new route, a "Goose Nesting, use alternate route" sign pops up in my way (yes, this is for real). I have high hopes this will soon pass, as I've been seeing baby geese around campus (putting me up a severe level of difficulty in my life video game, man are those mama and papa geese protective! I'm legit terrified walking by them sometimes!).

Welcome to life in Waterloo. Hopefully the summertime will come soon enough, and the highlight of my days will be going outside and playing beach volleyball or kanjam rather than making it to class goose attack free and damp rather than soaked.

:)

- ella faye

You came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start.

today I presented a speech in my speech communication class.

it was on stain removal.

i know, it's crazy. why of all topics would I choose to discuss stain removal?!

but I think it was awesome!

I spilled coffee down my shirt as my attention getter, and it worked! I spoke about removing a variety of stains from clothing and carpets, and it was relevant to the audience! I'm a freaking genius to have chosen this as my topic! I mean, so many people try so hard to think of topics that are interesting and relevant that they don't have to do too too much work on getting information for, but it's all about simple, every day things.

It's funny how much work people took to choose topics for this class, when it really should be about keeping it simple. I bet there is way more in life that works like this, where I take so much time and waste so much energy looking for a solution, when if I stopped looking so hard, the answer would be right under my nose!

Anyways, the success of my speech left me feeling positive and confident after a pretty crappy week.

I talked to Keegan for a long time last night about how his girlfriend drives me nuts. He understands. I don't know how anything will change but at least I have my feelings off my chest. Hopefully he'll save the day and make it better. I just want my best friend back!

Especially in this time of stress. I've been having a lot of pretty severe joint pain in the past few months. I saw the doctor today and I'm getting tested for a slew of disorders. Hopefully it's nothing too serious, but it's definitely something to keep in your prayers. It's getting to a point where the pain is dramatically effecting my life, somedays I struggle to type because of the swelling and pain. I'll keep updating when I know more, but the doctor said even if my bloodwork comes up clear, he still thinks something is up. I'm blessed to have a doctor who is interested in pursuing the cause of my pain.

But, I'm a strong woman, and there is nothing I can't handle. I trust God totally has it under control.

Maybe my joints are just sore from scrubbing out all those stains! Seriously, it's like our generation just thinks their moms can save their clothing for the rest of their lives!

Well, my mom will of course, but not everyone's will.. aha.

- ella faye

i hope that you'll see right through my walls

boys are still, still lame.

but, on the bright side, I won my first game of Hearts today.

Maybe this is a sign! Maybe the hearts are finally in my favour!

I know, I'm digging real deep for this one, aha.

But seriously, I'm ready for a change of scenery.

Cue some hot, amazing, genuine guy to enter into my life svp :)

Maybe next time, I'll fall for someone who will give me the time of day, even if it's not always convenient. I'd like that. And then maybe, I'll be able to justify that not all boys are lame.

I still have hope!

:P

- ella faye

send me the moon. empty the skies out.

today's update.

boys are still lame.

a friend of mine wants me to put my feelings on the line. but it's hard when what's left of my relationship seems so heavily onesided.

I'm scared of getting more hurt, that's what it comes down too.

So, what should I do. Lay all my feelings out, just in case? or do I just appreciate the experience I had and not risk a) making things awkward, and b) knowing I wasn't quite good enough?

on a happier note, I love using the photobooth on my mac. Seriously, I'm already super good looking, and now I seem photogenic too! AWESOME.

- ella faye

i'm not saying it was your fault, although you could have done more.

I'm so sick of boys today, aha.

Like seriously. If you expect me to put effort into something, is it so wrong for me to expect the same!?

I'm planning this camping trip with my sexy german boys.

And, they suck at getting back to me!

Now, Flo, since I know you'll see this, if there was a winner, it'd be you, because you at least confirmed that you still wanted it to happen. Max has totally been a no show in this whole process.

He doesn't have to come if he doesn't want too, but just tell me! It makes a difference if I'm planning for two or three, and I need to know what needs to get done! Ugh, this whole process is just making the whole frustration with Max even worse because he's leaving me stuck in the planning, and it's just causing me more and more anxiety! How hard would it be to just email me saying he is or isn't coming?! He is a good guy, but seriously, sometimes he ticks me off so much!

Also, Daniel is a dick, enough said.

And then, I just got into a big argument with one of my best guy friends, Keegan.

Keegan is so important to me, he literally, has stood by me through everything. He has been such a rock and support in my life, but he's dating this awful, jealous, controlling and significantly less attractive than I am, girl. He is changing so much as a result of her, and I can't say I'm too impressed. Keegan always did his own thing, and always made choices that I respected. Now, he's letting her be an influence in some major life choices, and I don't think he'd be leaning the same way with his decisions without her. Another thing is, he wasn't all that into her to start with! He was so skeptical of her, and then he was so unhappy in their relationship for so long, I just can't see how he can justify picking up his whole life and adjusting it to her needs!

Boys are the worst. Honestly.

I've had enough of that, I am definitely going to be taking a giant boy vacation for a while.

There are plenty of easier to understand, hot, fun and reliable girls out there. Just sayin'.

- ella faye

so i wrote to remind you that somehow.

Let me tell you how good I am at volleyball.

I'm friggen awesome.

ahahahhahahahaa. I wish.

Last night, I mustered up the courage to expose my volleyball skills to some of the residents when I was asked to join them for some beach volleyball outside of our building.

Little did they know what they were getting themselves in to.

Now, let me clarify. I am gifted at a lot of things. I can mix a sound board, I can memorize lines for a play no problem, I can write eloquent essays, I can breed beautiful Sims, I can speak jargon from both my social science classes and my business classes, I can plan awesome events, teach a sweet sunday school lesson and I know my way around a toolkit in woodshop.

I am not blessed in the area of atheletics.

Particularly, volleyball.

If volleyball was all about sound effects and kicking sand, I'd be pro.

But, alas, it is not. and I suck at all the skills it requires to be good at volleyball.

It pretty much went down like, a series of me grunting and flailing my awkward limbs around in a desperate attempt to have them make contact with the ever daunting ball.

I still gave it 110% of my effort, and although I was still by no means even almost good, I did improve my skills towards the end of the hour.

Well, practise makes gradually less sucky, right?

- ella faye

smoother than the L.A. weather, that's how he holds himself together.

today in psychopathology we learned about the science behind butterflies in your stomach.

which is ironic, because i've been dealing with that a lot lately.

so, because i've made you curious now (unless you are remotely knowledgable about science and already know this, but i'm in Arts, okay?) it's the serotonin in your guts that reacts to anxiety. apparently it mimics the serotonin in your brain, but you notice it in your stomach because 80% of the serotonin in your body is there (okay, sciencey friends, if i'm wrong, i'm sorry, i was mostly paying attention but i might have gotten some details mixed up in my head). 

but back to my butterflies. they haven't really been good ones. i'm just feeling very confused these days.

first, i had made plans for a skype date with Daniel. I was anxious about it, knowing our conversations are wonderful or terrible, but I have missed him and was looking forward to hearing about what's up in his life. But then, he bailed. This was even worse than the anxiety leading up to the call, because then I had to question, did I do something wrong? Did something I say upset him? And other such over analytical questions that cross our minds in situation like these. 

I was being silly. He forgot about the call, and I understand that, I've done it before. But with all the moving I do, so many people walk in and out of my life all the time. Now, with him slowly moving out of my life, I feel like I have so little consistency when it comes to support systems in my life. So, my feelings were hurt, and I had that lame butterflies feeling.

Then, the other source of lame butterflies is max. We haven't had too much contact since I've been back at school, which is fine, I totally understand how busy that job is, and I'm not usually availiable in the hours that  he would have free. so, I took a step back. To me, the fact that we talked so little (I felt like it was usually a lack of response from him, but I'm bias) was his way of telling me he was over it, and I needed to get there too (let's be real for a second... i totally haven't washed his tee shirt so it still smells like him... we've all done it before). But then, after not responding to his message for a couple days (i'd checked it on my way out the door and forgotten to respond) he asked me today if I was upset with him! I'm just so confused! 

I thought he was just letting me go slowly so it was easier, you know? The whole, "let's talk less and less each week until we forget we ever even cared about each other" strategy. It sucked, but I had to deal, and became comfortable with that idea. Now, I'm confused again. I get butterflies thinking about it, and they just worsen at the idea of seeing him. I'm potentially seeing him and Florian in June, and we never settled what that meant in terms of our relationship. 

I need a guide to germans stat.

frankly, i need a guide to men in general. just when i think i've got it all figured out, they throw another curveball. 

- ella faye

i had the best day with you, today

my mom is awesome.

i know this is late, but in honour of mother's day, i'd like to talk about her.

first, she's so hot. i only wish i was as good looking as she is (and i'm pretty damn hot). also, since my dad died in october, my mom has been running his business singlehandedly. she has become a wonderful business woman that i really admire.

i want to tell you about my mother's day. it was hilarious.

first, i got up super early and drove home from school to see her speak at church. i pull in, so tired, looking crappy, but, it's the thought that counts, right?

then, when getting ready to speak, she turns to me and asks "Ella, can you turn me on?"

so, naturally, i slapped her butt while i turned on her mic, and then danced right next to her, until she laughingly told me she was all turned on and ready to go.

but the highlight of my day was next. you see, i have spent many years teasing my mom about her lack of technological ability. for such an intelligent and wise women, you'd think she'd be able to change her facebook profile picture, but alas, she is unable. Once I laughed at her as she explained to me that she wanted a blackberry, even though she didn't need email on her phone, because she wanted a phone with a calendar (which her current cell phone had). but the longest lasting joke was that she often makes her "hint" her password to login to her computers.

you see, to me, this seems senseless. what is the point of having a password, if it's right there?

but, during the church service, I got called to the booth. the three men on the tech team could not login into my mother's laptop to get her outline. I laughed as i hit the hint button to reveal the key and unlocked the computer with ease.

sometimes, i think i know more than my mom about certain things. but, once again, things that seem silly to me are super effective much to my disbelief.

my mother is a wise, wise woman.

- ella faye

i wanna go where the people go. cause i'm forever lost.

one of the things i struggle with while living in residence is how lonely it is.

i know, i'm crazy, i'm surrounded by people all the time. but it's the constant reminder that i'm just socially awkward enough to never really fit in.

i noticed this today, as i came back to my floor after an intense game of euchre with some of the boys, and i was rushed by some of the floor members into one of the rooms.

you see, they were planning a birthday surprise for a girl on my floor, who's birthday is this saturday. and they wanted me to help me blow up balloons.

they had gifts, cake and sweet tunes for the celebration.

i've never had friends like that. on my birthday in residence, i went out for a legal drink with some friends from class. only one guy from my residence joined. then, on the friday after, like, 4 people took me to a club at my request.

i've never had the kind of friends who care so much that they make my special days exciting. they are great, don't get me wrong, but i'm a little jealous of how easily i fall through the cracks.

don't get me wrong. i'm happy, i love where i live, and the people i live with. sometimes though, i just want someone to think of me as "extra special" and want to do something exciting. i guess it's vain for me to feel this way, but i just can't help it!

maybe that's when i'll know for sure when i'm really where i'm supposed to be in life. maybe it's a sign that i'm not peaking in my life's excitement scale yet!

i guess i'll just have to wait and see!

- ella faye

i never told you, i just held it in.

so, every term the residence has a fire drill.

we're all familiar with this process. it's considerably less exciting than in highschool, because instead of getting out of class to go socialize, we get suddenly awoken at 6 am by the alarm.

this time, however, i was kind of looking forward to it.

i'm on the don side of things now. i knew it was coming, and had planned to set my alarm for quarter too in order to allow time to get up and dressed, gather my keys and first aid kit, and to put on my stylish red "UW FIRE WARDEN" baseball cap that the dons get to wear for the drill. also, I would cleverly stand outside in the hallway and watch the girls groggily get up and rush out of the building in all of their "first thing in the morning" glory, as they would shoot evil eyes at me knowing that I had known and not given them warning.

at six o'clock, i sat on my bed, eagerly waiting and creeping past flames on facebook (we all do it, don't judge me). and nothing happening.

6:08 - i text the other dons. is the fire alarm still happening?

6:10 - trevor responds - as far as he is concerned this is still the plan. (phew, i didn't imagine that today was the day) he will call bjorn and give me an update. also, this had better not be a mean prank that bjorn is pulling on us.

6:12 - bjorn just got up, he will pull the alarm asap.

6:17 - i fall back asleep, dressed, with my running shoes and fire warden hat on. also, with the giant metal first aid kit in my bed.

6:23 - fire alarm finally goes off, waking me up. plans to stand outside and laugh at the girls = foiled! :(

However, the pleasure was still mine as I walked out all dressed, in my awesome hat. The girls all beat the guys out there, making me look like the super don that i aspire to be. also, i got to go in and help silence the alarm, and then brought the good news back to the residents that they could return to their slumbers. everyone loves that person at 6:30 am.

that person was me.

so, despite the wait, and the mishaps... fire alarm? mission accomplished.

awesome :)

- ella faye

basically, i wish that you loved me.

i am addicted to dearoldlove.com

it's true fact.

i don't know why, it makes me terribly depressed. looking back and thinking how similar my failed relationships are to the thousands of other people's who are sending in their secret messages.

it makes me sad to think about why my past relationships failed, and the hurt with that. and it also makes me sad because it reminds me that there really isn't anything special about my past relationships, because i know there is someone out there who had the exact same thing happen to them.

i'll be honest, i've sent in a few. i'm sure the people they were meant for never saw my heartfelt witty messages that i put so much effort into wording. but, my messages are out there for them.

i think the idea, although sad, is beautiful.

everyone has people that walk out of their lives before they were ready. i'm very much not immune to this. there is many relationships that i look back and have that stomach sinking incomplete feeling about.

the one that inspired this post said "I hate that you’re punishing me with your silence, and I hate that it’s working"


i didn't write this, but it hit pretty hard. if i wasn't reading it in class, i probably would have immediately put on a couple sad songs and wept while writing an angry letter to the person it reminds me of, aha. instead, my prof pulled out some nineties slang and i had to laugh.


but, seriously. life is beautiful. no one is alone in how they feel. and enjoy the people in your life while it lasts, we are not given any guarantees.


- ella faye


p.s. whatever person left "now you have my heart and my socks" made me smile. that could totally be about me aha.

maybe i need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep.

sorry i haven't written in so long, i moved back to school on friday, had resident assistant training all day saturday, and then yesterday was move in day.

but, i'm back :)

i love my residence, it's cozy, beautiful and welcoming, but i currently have serious issues with the shower situation.

first off, there is no room outside the shower to change in. your options are a) strip down naked beside the door of the group washroom, or b) take off your clothes in the small shower stall and throw them out, and then stand in the freezing cold water as it warms up.

neither of which are superb options.

also, the shower head is so low, i need to crouch down to wash my hair, and i'm not that tall. however, i do see some benefit in this as i can shower without having to always wash my hair so it doesn't dry out from being washed every day. so i accepted this flaw in the shower system here. life goes on.

then, this morning, i made a valiant leg shaving effort.

it was less than smooth (pun somewhat intended).

the shower stall is so small, you can't really bend over to shave, you have to awkwardly lift your leg onto the soap shelf. this ended literally in me bumping my chin on my knee. then, because my foot is on the soap shelf, my shaving cream has to go on the floor, so after getting my foot up, i realized i needed to put shaving cream on still, and had to put my foot down to put cream on it and the repeat the process.

now, as i awkwardly have my back pressed against the back wall, my foot wedged in the corner on the opposite side and i'm trying to shave the back of my leg with my knee at eye level, the water suddenly gets super super hot.

scrambling to  unwedge myself out of the shower as my lower back was singed by practically boiling water, i tried to remedy the situation, but just as it takes the shower super long to warm up, it also takes ages to cool off.

so now the options plague me again. stand in the boiling hot shower, or step out, butt naked into the public washroom.

i stuck out the hot water, it's only day 2 here, i don't think the girls are quite comfortable enough with me to exercise my other option.

hopefully i'll get the hang of this whole showering thing soon!

- ella faye