one of the things i struggle with while living in residence is how lonely it is.
i know, i'm crazy, i'm surrounded by people all the time. but it's the constant reminder that i'm just socially awkward enough to never really fit in.
i noticed this today, as i came back to my floor after an intense game of euchre with some of the boys, and i was rushed by some of the floor members into one of the rooms.
you see, they were planning a birthday surprise for a girl on my floor, who's birthday is this saturday. and they wanted me to help me blow up balloons.
they had gifts, cake and sweet tunes for the celebration.
i've never had friends like that. on my birthday in residence, i went out for a legal drink with some friends from class. only one guy from my residence joined. then, on the friday after, like, 4 people took me to a club at my request.
i've never had the kind of friends who care so much that they make my special days exciting. they are great, don't get me wrong, but i'm a little jealous of how easily i fall through the cracks.
don't get me wrong. i'm happy, i love where i live, and the people i live with. sometimes though, i just want someone to think of me as "extra special" and want to do something exciting. i guess it's vain for me to feel this way, but i just can't help it!
maybe that's when i'll know for sure when i'm really where i'm supposed to be in life. maybe it's a sign that i'm not peaking in my life's excitement scale yet!
i guess i'll just have to wait and see!
- ella faye