Tuesday, 29 November 2011

are you gonna kiss me or not?

i am crazy about michael.

i was so worried four months ago that i had just conjured up all his awesome in my head, but he still continues to amaze me every single day.

he is patient with me, he makes me laugh, and he comes up with the most amazing date ideas.

and although his parents are struggling with letting him be grown up, i think deep down they do like me.

i'm not even kidding, i'm the luckiest girl in the world.

and although im miserable back on the job for a full 14 hours.

in 40 days i will be back in waterloo with the man i love and the friends i long for.

my world feels at bay today.

- ella faye

Sunday, 20 November 2011

i'm not bitter, but i've had better days.

here is a list of things that i now look for in a future partner after living with sam, my awful coworker:

1. someone who shares the housework. i'm sick of cleaning while someone sits their ass in front of the food network all day.

2. someone who gives me the benefit of doubt - just because something is broken, doesn't mean i broke it.

3. someone who keeps me company - instead of doing the minimal amount of work possible and then disappearing to their room.

4. someone who enjoys my baking - i make delicious cookies, even if you only ate one i'd be a happy lady.

5. someone who gives me a break sometimes when i'm having a rough day.

6. someone who doesn't make me feel abandoned.

7. someone to support me emotionally, sometimes i just need to talk things out.

i don't think i'm asking too much.

i've got what i need, just on the other side of the country.

i'm feeling jaded today. two days in a row, she's bailed on me, leaving me to take over the majority of the chores and handling the house along. she just came off of vacation, and i've been working two months straight!

oh well, only two more sleeps till i'll finally be reunited with my love.

- ella faye

Saturday, 19 November 2011

i'm a ghost, haunting these halls.

sometimes it's time for me to flashback to highschool.

today was that time apparently.

we were hanging pictures in the house, after coming across a few boxes of pictures of the folks from a long time ago. along with them, is this picture of Jean Vanier.

Vanier created L'Arche, and i've noticed people in L'Arche quote his books like the bible. It's actually a little uncomfortable, because to me, Vanier isn't God, and it's weird that he's kind of treated that way. But anyways, this picture is supposed to be up in the house.

we looked around the house and found an ideal location, because it would be kind of out of the way where people wouldn't have to really see it, but leadership would be able to see it and be happy that we had put it up.

unfortunately, I had to hang over the edge of a ledge to hang it.

flashback to grade 9 hanging lights in the caf with Court and Katherine. Hanging over the ledge of the cherry picker, and hoping to God that none of the teachers came in and saw, because otherwise I'd have to come down, and move the cherry picker, when if i just took a little risk, i could totally hang that light.

or, climbing up our sketchville ladder to hang on the teasers, and being yelled at by the VP.

or whatever, whatever i ended up doing with crew.

i miss that. the team, who all spent a weird amount of time together.

taking risks and staying at the school till all hours of the night.

and even though i really kind of hate it here, sometimes i'm reminded that I will always be crazy old me, and that can be a great thing, no matter where i am.

- ella faye

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

fly away with me (you've got just what i need)

by some miracle, i ended up with the best roommate ever in second year.

ainsley is just the sweetest, most considerate and caring, and overall most well-rounded person i have ever met.

we had skype chats today, and it was just what i needed.

i'm not alone here.

i might be severely lacking sleep, sick, and bullied here,

but, i have such an amazing support system.


thank you ainsley for bringing peace to my heart.

thank you jeff z. for bringing laughter to my soul.


thank you mom for bringing calm to my crazy.

thank you bryan and jared for bringing silliness to my moments off adult.


thank you hin for bringing sanity to my mind.

thank you nathan for bringing craziness to my life.


thank you michael for bringing support in everything.


- ella faye

Monday, 14 November 2011

you and i are painting pictures in the sky.

when i think everything around me is crashing down,

he calms my storm.

needless to say, i feel a lot better.

eight days.

which is well needed.

i'm so sick of cleaning poop out from people's finger nails.

it sounds like such an easy task,

but seriously, try getting someone who hates water to soak there hands, and who hates when you touch their fingers to hold still while you clean there nails.

l'arche assistant problemmssssss.

right now, i just fight with a damp cloth. but seriously, it's a sight to see!

me: jay, give me your hand!

jay: NOOOOOOOOO *swats me away*

me: jay, seriously, no one will want to hold your hand if you have poop in your nails,

jay: NOOOOOOOOOOO. *swats me away*

and this continues for like, 20 minutes,

and then, when its done, and he's tried to hit me and push me away,

he looks up at me with his sweet blue eyes and says

"are you okay bebebebbee?"

and it just melts my heart all over again.

my love for him is so deep, i don't even have words for it.

even though i havent touched my essay yet today,

it's a good day

- ella faye

p.s. www.mobro.co/michaeljerome 

seriously, do it.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

what am i gonna do?

ain't no use defending words that you will never say.

don't get me wrong,

i'm genuinely happy in my relationship.

but, today i feel a little in over my head.

you know, sometimes, even though you pretty much spend every day with someone for four months,

you start to realize that maybe you don't really know them at all.

i don't want to question my own values to feel comfortable with his,

but i also don't want to be the person who passes something up because of something that shouldn't be a big deal at all.

i have awful timing.

i'm getting on a plane to see him in nine days.

and all i want to do is take a minute to think things through. have i been being foolish this whole time? or am i being foolish now?

with me, it's really a 50-50 shot.

- ella faye

Saturday, 12 November 2011

patient anticipation

ten days.

in ten days, i will hopefully be finished this damn essay that really makes no sense to me.

and away from my stupid coworker,

and also away from the hardheaded coremembers that i've been clashing with.

and i will be back in the arms of my wonderful boyfriend.

and for a whole week, dispensing meds, missing finances and staff drama will sink to the back of my mind, and i can just enjoy the company i long for so much.

i never thought that coming back here would make me so miserable!

but i'm still learning lessons.

i mean, being here has taught me how much i appreciate my loved ones, and how much i've taken my experiences for granted.

i thought things always just worked out in the long run, and they will in time, but this term, i would say, coop has not worked out for me in the long run.

but im starting to find myself in good spirits again.

in ten days, the man i might be falling in love with will be next to me. and i'll be reminded that someone out there values me.

some things you just need to tough on through.

- ella faye

Monday, 7 November 2011

what is the use of holding back on this much?

i really shouldn't be here blogging,

but leave it to an essay that i must finish by tomorrow to encourage me to post once again.

i find that a lot has been crashing down around me.

i'm tired and lonely here, and it's not getting better. i'm stressed about getting this paper, and the next one done, before my trip out west. and my body is just over it. i'm weak and sore all the time.

also, i'm broke, aha. i've spent the little i had to spare on this wild trip to see michael in calgary. it's a sad day when you call your mom and ask her to mail you a razor because you can't shave your legs because you just can't afford to.

and mom has been so great. she has been such an amazing support, and has backed me 100%. and i'm so, so thankful for her.

but i don't know how i'd be getting by this term without my wonderful man.

you know, ever girl dreams of the guy who will do everything he can to sweep her off her feet. send her chocolates in the mail. write her the most beautiful and eloquent love letters. tell her all the things she wants to hear (and actually mean it!)

and i might have ended up with him.

now, some months down the road i'll likely be blogging about how much of a douchebag he is for breaking my heart, or how he played me all along, or how he's secretly a wanted drug dealer or something, because no one, and no relationship, is this great.

but for now, i'm enjoying every single moment. and, the most i invest now, the more ammo i will have to write epic and amazing hate blogs if he breaks my heart. so really, it's win win for you readers.

i hope you really see my effort to be posting more. i know it's not much, and my posts are subpar, but i've really got to start somewhere, right?

now go invest in something risky, it'll make a good story.

**however, please keep in mind, I will not be help accountable for the loss of money, broken hearts or any other negative consequences to following my advice.

- ella faye

Sunday, 6 November 2011

such a beautiful mess, intertwined and overrun.

in all the heartache and sorrow that i am living here right now,

i really do find moments of pure innocence and joy.

like today, when we decided that Jay, or Jerry, or Michael Jerome, should be participating in Movember.

with blessings from his family, we started a mospace for him.

through all my tears, loneliness and misery,

i'm helping someone make a difference, who couldn't otherwise.

this little man holds such a huge part of my heart. he warms my heart so thoroughly.

so please, check out his mospace. donate, or leave a comment.

you're not only helping a great cause and encouraging a sweet man, you'll also help add that little bit of joy that keeps me going here.

you rock.


- ella faye

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

whoa, i'm waiting for the breakdown.

i'm so sorry i haven't been blogging.

truth is, i'm so miserable here this time. i look back at my joys and excitement of the last time i lived here bring even more sorrow to my heart when i just can not seem to find the same light heart i lived before.

i thought that maybe, with my strict house leader gone things might be even better this time. i thought it would be my dream job,

but all that has happened as no one has been keeping my miserable, mean and awful coworker at bay. she's mean to me all the time. nothing i ever do here is right. and even though i do so much laundry, cleaning and care, it goes unnoticed over how anything that goes wrong is somehow my fault.

i find myself on the verge of tears on a regular basis at work. doing all i can to hold up a strong front for the folks. i want to come to you with stories, but at the end up the day, i just want to curl up in my bed and head to my safe sleepland where I can escape the misery I have to live here.

it seems no one has the guts to stand up to her, and I certainly don't. she would just victimize me more, making life here unbearable. so I'm just going to keep trekking on.

I really love the folks so much. I love caring for them, and I love the actual work aspect of my job, but its hard when I'm only every being told my flaws.

I can't wait to visit Michael in Calgary and just be in his arms. To remember what it's like to be around someone who truly values me.

Only two more months till I'm back at school, please don't give up on me!

- ella faye