Sunday, 16 October 2011

so why you looking so nervous? you know you're gonna deserve this.

it's evident that more than just the pee chair had not been cleaned since i left in April.

today, I surrendered to the pee chair.

i accept that no matter how many lysol wipes, no matter how much scrubbing and no matter how much fiddling with that zipper, that pee chair will be eternally dirty.

i sprayed her down intensely with lysol today, and man did she ever need it! i could pretty much hear it's screams in terror as it shed it's grimy skin. And yet, when I wiped her down again later it was as though we'd never had that previous encounter. i'm pretty sure the chair actually produces it's own grime!

but then, i had to take on a new challenge.

rumour had it around town there was a new source of disgust in town - the washing machine.

in a house with eight people, and a fair share incontinence, the washing machine is a happening joint in this town. the party usually starts around 8am with wake up and goes nonstop until till we hit the hay around 8 in the eveningtime.

so the buzz spread quickly when folks heard i was going to challenge this washer to a cleanliness duel.

i prepared myself for the worst; sloppy clothes, protective gloves, lysol in multiple forms and a full roll of paper towel. but i could never have been prepared enough for the challenge that lay ahead.

you see, a front loading washer like the one here, has a rubber ring around the front, to help seal the washer door closed. but, ladies and gents, water gets into the creases of such rubber ring. and sits there, and turns itself into a substance much like the way i would imagine a pokemon like Grimer to be made out of. A dark, slimy, stench filled sludge. blechh.

i scrubbed as much as i could between gags. and had a variety of weird flashbacks to a variety of previous pee chair incidents - but i kept fighting.

i did my best. i cleaned with all i had in me. and for now, i think i'm in control, we'll see how my work holds up.

it's hard, but i'm doing my best to look up today.

- ella faye

Saturday, 15 October 2011

baby, please come home.

i am so lonely here.

as i sit here enjoying Cake Walk wayyy too much on my Saturday night,

my heart still aches.

i know i've been the worst blogger ever, i keep saying i'm getting out of the slumps but then not following through on my promise to improve my blogging,

but I keep just finding myself here.

sitting alone in my living room.

and feeling so, so alone.

i want more than anything to be able to crawl into my boyfriends arms and be held,
or to meet up with a friend for coffee,
or to walk up to loft to play a game of euchre.

i feel like i've taken having friends close to me for advantage my whole life.

even last term, i had max and florian. when I just needed to vent and cry or drink (don't judge until you've done this job aha) i had someone close. I know I have Scott here, and he's great, but we're at different places in life, and i'm just a passing thing. I dont know, it just doesn't feel the same I guess.

it's hard too because i don't always want to express how i feel. when michael is out with his friends, and asks how my night is going, I don't want to be like "miserable, I'm sitting here crying watching crappy reality television and eating celery sticks." No one likes a miserable texter. But hourly updates about how much fun he is having with the guys is only fuelling my loneliness fire.

sidebar: i've gone from cake walk to Jersey Shore with french voiceovers. I'm actually ashamed of myself right now.

the amount i would give to flash back and crawl into my residence bed knowing i was in a building full of people who love and support me is unreal.

i'm working on it, i am, thank you for your patience.

- ella faye

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

how sweet it is.

i'm so sorry that i'm so fail at blogging these days,

having a real life has done that to me i suppose.

i'm tired all the time at work too, i don't know why, but i can hardly stay awake come the evening.

this week i had to cut out leaves.

like, seriously, a hundred leaves.

i hate cutting out detailed things.

i hate cutting out anything really,

my hands actually swell up when i use scissors. i get grouchy and short tempered, it's not a good scene.

but here i was, sitting with Jane and cutting out leaves for two freaking hours.

but you know what?

it wasn't so bad.

i've been having a rougher time these days,

my heart is heavy missing the close support of my friends (and Michael) from school.

i feel left out of all that is happening at the Residence while I waste away in the little no name town that i live it.

but just simply sitting with Jane and listening to her tell me stories about her week, laughing at when I make a mistake and listening to some quiet music was so innocent and beautiful.

i love finding joy in the mundane things of life like that.


- ella faye

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

in the evening, you can catch me daydreaming.

there is something awesome about food.

food is a social thing, it brings people together, it gives us nutrition, it causes some of us anxiety and others peace.

L'Arche is often centred around the table, around dinner, around food.

it's a simple concept really, since everyone in the house is out and about doing different things so often.

today i really got that.

i was making lunch for Jay, myself and my house leader Marie. Normally we just throw together sandwiches and part ways, but today i was feeling adventurous and made a lovely pasta sauce for us.

i haven't eaten lunch with any of the folks in a long time, since usually that's my only time off in the day, but today i took the time just to sit with him and my wonderful boss Marie.

i couldn't tell you what we talked about, or the silly things Jay said - which he has a tendency to do. but i can tell you i'd forgotten how much I really really love being here.

i'd been feeling so stressed and worn thin, but this meal made it up. i remember why i'm back.

and i'm back.

hopefully i'll be able to enlighten you again soon with the silly stories of my life here. i'd been a little lost, but some pasta fixed that.

get ready, life is crazy.

this is how we did shared meal time at school

- ella faye