Thursday, 31 March 2011

when you're older, you will understand.

I'm so sick of poop on the floor.

My life has such a new meaning for the term "shit show"

Like seriously?!

So, Miss M has developed the habit of pooping on the floor and smearing it all over the place! I went to find her this morning, and once again, this was the scenario I find. She reached out, and before I could move my arm, I also had poop smeared all over myself.

You know how sometimes the most awful and ridiculous things happen and you just laugh?

This was not one of those times.

I was so fed up! For real?! I'm tired, SUPER stressed about this paper for a class I'm taking, feeling lonely and overwhelmed, and now I'm covered in someone else's poo.


But, I had to just smile and take it in stride. As much as this job can wear you down, you have to not let it show. I couldn't just break down in tears in front of Miss M, it would then become overwhelming and upsetting for her, I had to just send her to change, and toughen up and clean the bathroom.

I feel like this was a big moment for me. It might have actually been one of the lowest moments I've had at this job so far. I wanted so bad to just laugh at the story and move on with my day. But I am just so tired.

I'm sick of poop on the floor. I'm sick of stress related to school. I'm sick of grieving for my father.

You can't always laugh everything off, but you can still trek forward, smile, take it in stride and decide to be bigger than the issue you're facing.

I learned a lot today. In some sick, confusing way, I'm thankful that there was poop on the floor today.

I have to learn that it's okay to not always be perfectly okay. I don't always have to pretend nothing gets to me, but I can still overcome it in a way that isn't totally embarrassing.

Now, whenever you're stressed or sick of something, remember, it's just poop on the floor. Clean it up, have a shower and take the time you need to be okay, when you feel the time is right. You don't have to break down at work, but take a deep breath, finish your day, and pig out on hagen daz when you get home, and cry while watching "A Walk to Remember".

But you might want to avoid chocolate ice cream, it's too much like poop.

- ella faye

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

there was another time in my life, before i met you.

Today, after a long weekend home, visiting my friends and family, I decided I felt refreshed enough for EPIC BATTLE OF ME VS THE PEE CHAIR TAKE TWO,

Here's how it went down.

The evil chair started wafting it's scent of urine and demons towards the kitchen, I knew as I scrubbed the counter that the time had come.

I pulled on my nitrile latex-free gloves with a grin, I've totally got this.

Lysol wipes in hand once again, I attack the chair. I wiped till my fingers are numb. The sticky blue substance (which I still cannot remove) has now grown hair. I pluck each hair out, knowing from experience with my eyebrows, how much that really hurts.

Today my main focus is the cushion. I expose each crevasse, and each crevasse's crevasse. The scent of evil still resonating from the seat cushion, I plunged myself into my work.

Once again, I broke a sweat, however this time, only Jay was home, and he was much too focused on "Let's Make a Deal" to notice me.

I decide I need to take the foam out of the cushion, to fabreeze the inside. I hunt down the zipper, buried deep in the side, and follow it to the top. So much pee has been on this chair, that the zipper is rusted shut. I take the lysol to this, hoping and praying that I will remove some of the grime crusted on to this zipper, with no prevail.

This chair will continue to smell of pee until I get into this cushion. Watch out pee chair.

This ain't over till I say it's over... (to be continued at a later date when the saga continues)

- ella faye

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

i don't want the next best thing.

One thing L'Arche has taught me since I've been here, is that, everybody is normal.

I mean, I know realistically this is not true. There are definitely some whack jobs out there (I'm pretty sure I work with some...) But honestly, I always forget that the folks I live with aren't what our society considers normal.

I live with them, so I talk to them and see them every day. I understand what they're saying when, to you, it might sound like mumbling. I know when they are playing attention games, or when they actually need my help. I see them for the real, genuine, and sometimes super annoying and bratty, people they are.

I had to laugh at myself today. We went out for supper, and after, the fam was getting out of the van. I helped Jay in, and went to take off my coat, when I realized Miss M was missing from the gang. I went outside, and she was standing beside the van, waiting for me to come down and walk with her.

Now, you have to give me a break. I work... a lot. Like, 21 hours a day, a lot. Sometimes I lose patience. Miss M is perfectly capable of walking to the front door by herself. I'm cold, tired and don't have shoes on. I am not walking her up.

"Miss M, come up here, I'm not coming down to get you!"
"Miss M, seriously, come here!"
"Miss M, do you really want to stand out here in the cold all night?!"
"Miss M, act like the grown woman you are!"

As I gradually transformed into a slightly taller version of my mother, Miss M just stood in the driveway staring at me. Frustrated, I went inside and got my coworker Sam. I know Sam was out there with her for a bit, but it felt like she got Miss M inside on her own in no time. M totally likes her better than me.

But anyways, I got off track. When I take the folks out, people give us looks. Miss M in particular, because she loves babies, and will always try to touch them. I forget this is weird sometimes. I casually swat her hand out of the air and smile at the parents. Oh well, Miss M really just thinks they're cute! I'll catch people giving me looks, and I totally don;t realize why right away (and if I do, I always try and stare right back).

I like the me who sees everyone for the great people they are  better than the old me. A mental delay or disability does not effect your soul. It'd be nice if more people really understood that.

- ella faye

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

i'm going to add my effort.

Today, I went on an adventure.

It was amazing.

One of those beautiful German boys, Florian, invited me for a day of fun. First, we went for coffee, or for me, a chai tea because I gave up coffee for Lent.

Then, we went to the thawing beach and followed these awesome bird prints in the snow... to the middle of the woods, where at some points we were legit knee deep in snow. I emailed my awesome, old roommate Ainsley about the prints, I will get back to you!

Then we went off on a bigger adventure! We walked through Ikea - a (500)days of summer inspired dream of mine...(the sinks didn't work). Florian bought me a 53 cent hot dog (with debit), and then off to Ottawa!

We played this awesome game all day! We would pick out people or buildings, and we (and by we, mostly Flo), would make up some story about them. Everyone should do this, and everyone should do this with Florian because he is awesome at it. Seriously, think of some in your head right now. Awesome. I know it.

We stopped in at the Byward market, where I saw, get this, ANOTHER CAR LIKE MINE!?!! Now, if you know me, you know, I have this awesome car. It's a BRIGHT gold PT cruiser. None of these wussy washed out colours, this is like, more gold than you can possibly comprehend. It's like ke$ha puked up mustard all over a PT cruiser. Awful. Yet, amazing.

Also, I saw a book entitled "Snuggie Sutra"... enough said on that topic. amazing.

We also drove around in Quebec for a bit. Talk about weird eh? Sideways stop lights, random green glass structures, and dead end roads left, right and centre. Also, french people from Quebec are always angry (from my experience), but more on that another day...

Anyways, then we had good chats on the drive home. I love days like today, I just feel so rejuvenated. I'm so blessed to have people like Florian in my life. You should all get yourselves an awesome German guy to go on adventures with asap.

Now... about that paper that I DEF should have written today... :(

Sleep tight!

- ella faye

Sunday, 20 March 2011

you have given me a heart attack. you'll never know.

Okay. So, today is one of those days where, it seems, my confidence can not be shaken.

I woke up, and worked this morning, as always. Tired and grungy, I did my thing, and I could tell my coworker was peeved, and I didn't even care. After morning routines, I went to get ready for church, where I take Miss M on Sundays. I thought I looked awesome, a cute high waisted skirt with tights and heels, and a black tee to go with it with a little detail on the neckline. I looked awesome. However, I get out, and the other live in assistant that I work with is all "That's not the most flattering outfit I've seen you in" and I'm all like, whatever, I look awesome all the time no matter what, :) Keeping in mind, looking back, I do see her point!

Off to Church, everyone is super over friendly like always, I'm trying to chat with this nice lady who remembered my name all service but I couldn't for the life of me tell you hers. Miss M is running a riot, has had enough and is leaving with or without me, so I chase her down and  head off to Tim Horton's for lunch together.

I drop my camera and it skids across the floor of Tim's, and I totally laughed it off (and pulled out the Bend and Snap in my cute skirt to pick it up, watch out cute boys of Arnprior). Then, I get home, and find out that the two cute german boys that work in the other houses here are coming half an hour early to move furniture for me here, since we're doing some renovations. Half an hour less to shower/get all ready/shave my legs. You have to look good if two super hot german boys are going to be doing heavy lifting in your house. I'm pretty sure it's a rule somewhere.

So I shower, blow dry my hair, put on mascara (it's the golden rule), and realize it's one of those days that nothing looks good on me. I mean, this morning, everything looked good on me, but suddenly a shower made me too lumpy for any of my clothes. So I settle on sweat pants and a tee shirt, the boys can deal, and a comfy girl and still be sexy right? But don't worry, my efforts were not wasted, they were capris, to at least show off my shaved legs.

The boys come, I feel frumpy. They look at hot moving furniture, I'm baking in the kitchen. As a thank you for moving the furniture, I promised them cookies. They sit down in the kitchen after much work, and I open the oven to realize I've burnt the cookies. This is that moment in the day, where I immediately think to myself, "Am I going to burst out in tears?" because nothing has managed to work out for me. But instead, I just burst out laughing. I couldn't even control it.

I quickly made some more cookies with the leftover dough and they came out perfect.

Now, I get to relax, and wait for the Amazing Race to come on. Seriously though, if the Cowboys get kicked off tonight, I'll cry.

I wish everytime I had a bad day, I could totally brush it off like today. I must totally be doing something right!


I'm off to keep having awful things happen to me that are hilarious.

- ella faye

Saturday, 19 March 2011

oh what a day it is today, nothing can stand in my way

sorry, i didn't realize anyone would ever come across this blog, and therefore, let it slip from my priority list. evidently i was wrong, and there are curious eyes out there, people who think my stories are cute and enlightening.

so today, i want to tell you about the epic battle between myself, and the pee chair.

we have this chair in my living room. it's dusty rose (pink) leather (classy, i know). and it is known as the "pee chair". this chair has seen more pee over the years than i ever care to think about. it stinks, all the time. in fact, if you were to sit in it, you also, would stink.

most people would naturally just assume we should throw it out, however, you must realize, i live with people who are at all living levels of ability, and incontinence is one of the things i handle in my everyday life.

so, in a positive spring cleaning mood, i decided to take on the pee chair.

it went something like this...

me - "come on pee chair, your stench must me defeated"
pee chair - "muahahahahaaaa, you can not destroy me and my urine smelling ways"
me - * fully equipped with rubber gloves, spray lysol, lysol disinfecting wipes, an empty garbage bag and the grungiest clothes i could find in my closet * "Oh yeah. Well take this!"

and the battle began.

first, i sprayed, i sprayed that lysol like i've never sprayed lysol before. after my hand muscles got cramped from the spraying action, I took some wipes and dag into the sides of the chair (you know, like underneath the pillows in the back of your couch) in which i found; a fishy cracker, some unidentifiable blue sticky stuff, a page out of a catalog and the six of spades.

on top of this disgust, if you wipe the chair at any point down with one of these lysol wipes, the cloth turns yellow. blech.

but i trekked forward. i scrubbed away some dark spots that appeared to be worn leather that were actually dirt. i scrubbed each crevasse along the side of the cushion. about here is where i hit my low point. i looked around at my housemates, all sitting with me in the living room watching tv seeming all relaxed and comfortable. and i'm breaking a legit sweat out from cleaning this chair. and none of this cute, nose beads and glossy forehead sweats, like full on back sticking to my shirt sweat. the chair was wearing me down, but i knew if i fought hard enough, this battle could be won.

feeling like accomplished, i tied up the bag of 50 now yellow lysol wipes, threw it away, put the cushion back on the chair, and showered immediately (at the request of a coworker).

just when i feel like i finally have gotten the scent of urine mixed with lysol out of my nose (5 hours later after hanging out with a friend, going to have coffee and making and eating dinner), i went back into the living room.

the pee chair still stinks.

you might have won the battle pee chair, but you have not won the war.

i will be back.

- ella faye

Sunday, 6 March 2011

starting now. i'll never know your name.

starting right this moment, i'm doing a new thing.

no more waiting for boys. not just by the phone, but also by facebook/skype/anything at all.

i'm too beautiful and awesome for this.

i'm not super confident that this'll work for me, but i'll definitely try for realz.

so now, i need to just go to sleep because i'm waiting. ahaha.

oh me.

- ella faye

it seems to me this thing is breaking down.

out of the hundreds of men i've met in my life, only three have never let me down.

Jay, a 57 year old little man that i live with is one of them. he doesn't know my name, but whenever i'm sad he'll pet my hair and call me baby fluffy. he can't do most things on his own, but he has a deep sense of when someone needs love, and he is always right there when i need someone.

Keegan, is the other. my best friend for more than three years, we have been through a lot, and he has every reason to hate me, to never want to see me again, and to tell everyone all my little secrets, but by some miracle the man still sticks it out with me. i wouldn't trade him for the world, and if i had it my way, i wouldn't share him with anyone either. but that's not really in my control. aha.

and finally, Graham. we were the 9 year olds sneaking out of church and playing in the woods during service. it doesn't matter what time of day (and i have literally taken advantage of this) i can call him. he also let's me blast Ke$ha while we drive around in his car.

i might feel like i will never find a life partner i will be happy with (even though we know i'll move on from this heartbreak and fall for someone new in due time), and i might feel like all men are taking advantage of me sometimes, like i'm always just going to get played and let down.

but realistically, i will always be able to trust these men. i will always love them, they will always love me. and, legit, they'll probably beat up anyone who breaks my heart from hereon in. every girl needs some men like mine. so even though i'm pretty heart broken these days,

i find peace in knowing i'm one of the luckiest girls in the world.

thank you <3

- ella faye

Saturday, 5 March 2011

ain't no destination baby, we don't even care

everyone should turn doing the laundry into a dance party. no exceptions.

today at work i was folding laundry in the laundry room while listening to music on my laptop. Miss M, one of the ladies I live with, came in from the living room to see what I was up too, heard the music and started dancing.

all of a sudden a chore became an activity. honestly, even after Miss M left, I couldn't help but wanting to dance while i was folding. i even was excited for the dryer to finish so i could fold more laundry!

it's funny how living with people with mental handicaps makes you appreciate the world more. i work for L'Arche Canada, so all my housemates with the exception of my coworker Sam, have varying levels of mental disability. my house mates are some of the most amazing, genuine, soft hearted and loving people i've ever met. if you're up for more of a challenge than dancing while doing laundry, this is definitely something i would recommend.

best songs to dance too while doing laundry... feel free to let me know if you find anything else particularly pleasing!

tik tok - ke$ha
like a g6 - far east movement
party up - hilary duff
my boots -  lights
shark in the water - vv brown
never say never - justin bieber
suddenly i see - k.t. tunstall
get down - backstreet boys
be your man - down with webster
gold digger - glee cast version

try it for real. it'll change your life!

- ella faye

Friday, 4 March 2011

post script

i forgot to mention earlier.

girls. always wear mascara. it looks like you're not wearing makeup even though you are, so you just look awesomer than ever. which makes guys all like "omg, she's so natural and sexy" and also means when you do wake up next to him one morning, he can still recognize you without makeup on (although, i recommend long lasting mascara so it's even still on in the AM in those scenarios). Even on your slummiest days, mascara is a must.

this was my first thought as i realized the boy was doing pick up the same time as me at work. i'd forgotten mascara.

learn from my mistakes.

- ella faye

what a beautiful mess this is.

today was one of those fun kind of average days.

however, one thing amazed me today.

i blush.

i mean, anyone who knows me might think this is one of the most obvious statements i could possibly make. i have the reddest, rosiest cheeks i have ever seen, i blush to my ears, and even worse, i get more red on the right side of my face than the left. it's been one of those things i've always been super insecure about.

but for real. i noticed i do things intentionally not to blush, because i feel like it gives away too much of what is going on in my head.

today, at work, i had to pick my house mates up from their day program. i ran into the boy i'm seeing who was picking up some people as well. this is a normal occurrence, i mean, we work the same job at different houses. but how uncomfortable is it for me to not be able to make eye contact with someone who knows me so well in public. he makes me blush. and when i blush, everyone notices, and that's the last thing i need on the job sometimes.

i live my life with a giant sign all over my face that screams EMBARRASSED, ATTRACTED, SHY or whatever the circumstance may be. i feel like a cartoon with a pop up bubble over my head to let the audience know what is happening in my mind.

and although i hate it a lot. it really makes me me. my partner might hate that i avoid eye contact with him in public, but it works both ways, how flattering would it be for you to pick someone up for a date, and as soon as they see you each time they blush. he'll always know he still makes me happy. how sweet (until the day it stops, aha.)

but i'm not perfect, i mean, if i could change my blushing. i still would.
what a beautiful mess.

- ella faye

Thursday, 3 March 2011

this is a song, and these are the words.

oh hey,

so, it seems everyone has a blog these days, and I'm one of those people who always reads them, and thinks about them, but then never has done on it on my own.

but I feel like a have a pretty good story, my life has by no means been average. maybe it would be interesting for someone to hear things from the someone like me.

right now, my whole world is a little off kilter, and a little quirky. since my dad died in october, i've been on a journey, to discover who i am, who i want to be, and how i can laugh and smile as much as possible on the way.

little things make me happy now, i'd just like to share them is all.

i hope you enjoy my stories as much as i do.

take care.