Saturday, 19 March 2011

oh what a day it is today, nothing can stand in my way

sorry, i didn't realize anyone would ever come across this blog, and therefore, let it slip from my priority list. evidently i was wrong, and there are curious eyes out there, people who think my stories are cute and enlightening.

so today, i want to tell you about the epic battle between myself, and the pee chair.

we have this chair in my living room. it's dusty rose (pink) leather (classy, i know). and it is known as the "pee chair". this chair has seen more pee over the years than i ever care to think about. it stinks, all the time. in fact, if you were to sit in it, you also, would stink.

most people would naturally just assume we should throw it out, however, you must realize, i live with people who are at all living levels of ability, and incontinence is one of the things i handle in my everyday life.

so, in a positive spring cleaning mood, i decided to take on the pee chair.

it went something like this...

me - "come on pee chair, your stench must me defeated"
pee chair - "muahahahahaaaa, you can not destroy me and my urine smelling ways"
me - * fully equipped with rubber gloves, spray lysol, lysol disinfecting wipes, an empty garbage bag and the grungiest clothes i could find in my closet * "Oh yeah. Well take this!"

and the battle began.

first, i sprayed, i sprayed that lysol like i've never sprayed lysol before. after my hand muscles got cramped from the spraying action, I took some wipes and dag into the sides of the chair (you know, like underneath the pillows in the back of your couch) in which i found; a fishy cracker, some unidentifiable blue sticky stuff, a page out of a catalog and the six of spades.

on top of this disgust, if you wipe the chair at any point down with one of these lysol wipes, the cloth turns yellow. blech.

but i trekked forward. i scrubbed away some dark spots that appeared to be worn leather that were actually dirt. i scrubbed each crevasse along the side of the cushion. about here is where i hit my low point. i looked around at my housemates, all sitting with me in the living room watching tv seeming all relaxed and comfortable. and i'm breaking a legit sweat out from cleaning this chair. and none of this cute, nose beads and glossy forehead sweats, like full on back sticking to my shirt sweat. the chair was wearing me down, but i knew if i fought hard enough, this battle could be won.

feeling like accomplished, i tied up the bag of 50 now yellow lysol wipes, threw it away, put the cushion back on the chair, and showered immediately (at the request of a coworker).

just when i feel like i finally have gotten the scent of urine mixed with lysol out of my nose (5 hours later after hanging out with a friend, going to have coffee and making and eating dinner), i went back into the living room.

the pee chair still stinks.

you might have won the battle pee chair, but you have not won the war.

i will be back.

- ella faye

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