if you're gonna break my heart, break it like you mean it.

sorry i didn't write yesterday like i promised. i was just super busy, once again.

i've been in my hometown for the past few days, and honestly, every time i come home i never know what to expect.

i, of course, spend mucho time with my friends Courtney and Heidi, who have pretty much been my support systems since, what feels like ever.

but, sometimes being home is also "go for coffee with all your ex-boyfriends" week.

so far this week, I have visited 3 of my ex-boyfriends, and have gone for coffee with two of them.  Neither coffee date went the way I'd imagined.

First, Daniel and I met up. Now, Daniel and I are the king and queen of history. With a recently ended three year on and off relationship under our belt, things tend to be hit or miss when we see one another.

i think it's safe to say this was a miss. after a slew of casual indirect stabs at each other, the conversation just got increasingly awkward until i finally had to peace out. i let myself have hurt feelings over silly little things like his beautiful new girlfriend or the lack of a thoughtful goodbye. I guess it was just too soon since the breakup to have a real, normal, non-hurtful conversation.

i'm one of those people who really tries to be friends with all my exes. if someone could be important enough to me for me to have an intimate relationship with them, they are valuable enough to be in my life long-term as friends.

i really wanted things to be cool and casual with Daniel, and i hope they get there somewhere along the way, but it's obvious it's not there yet. this experience was upsetting for me, so i was understandably nervous to follow through on my plans to go for coffee with Brandon, someone who I had a considerably less smooth break-up with.

But, I was pleasantly surprised. Although things started a little awkward (naturally, since I haven't really had a face to face conversation with Brandon for a significantly long time), after a little bit of conversation, it turned out to be a lovely time. aha, after my rough time with Daniel, Brandon restored my faith in my exes!

I have to say, as much as I complain about my failed relationships and bad taste in men, they aren't really bad guys, i'm probably just super high maintenance.

so, i know this wasn't a normal, metaphorical post, but there really isn't too much to overthink in my life right now, i'm just transitioning from "mom of five mentally handicapped adults and married to the other live in" to "casual care free university residence assistant" so please bare with me!

- ella faye