Sunday, 10 April 2011

a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

i had a lot of trouble deciding what to write about today. I haven't given you anything simple and lighthearted for the past couple days, but the fact is, my heart has been heavy in thought this week.

today was the 6 month marker from the date my father passed away.

i did everything i could all day to fight back the tears and frustration at this hand i've been dealt.

a dad is supposed to walk his girl down the isle, hold his grandchildren and be there to bail me out when i come up short changed for the month.

instead, mine died when i was 19.

i mean, my dad was by no means perfect. we had a long struggle in our relationship, but at the end of the day, he was my father, and I loved him.

sometimes I feel like I could never marry anyone who hasn't met my dad, because I wouldn't know what dad thought of him. Or I feel like my children will always be asking me questions, and feel like they got jipped a grandparent.

 my dad won't be in the audience at my graduation.

my dad won't see me in my wedding dress.

but whether or not I have a father, doesn't change who I am at the core of myself.

I've been strong through this process, and I will keep trying to be. I love him, and I miss him. But today is just a day. I am still me. I am still a successful person.

It's hard for me, but I need to remember I haven't been forgotten or left behind. God isn't punishing me, he's strengthening me, and someday, hopefully, I will understand why God chose to allow this to happen, and will see the postive experiences that will come from this.

but today, because I can't, call your dad and tell them you love them.

- ella faye

p.s. I am friends with some truly wonderful people.Check out my friend Brandon's blog post, going deeper about some thoughts I had.

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