the problem with your smile is that it's gone.

hello all, and happy belated thanksgiving.

i had a busy busy weekend, and i'm sorry i couldn't tell you all about it earlier.

i just hate changes i guess, and i don't want to bring the world down by whining about how my mom makes poor choices because of her insecurities, and puts the blame on anyone but her new husband, who is an idiot and a sham, because his lies and need to be right all the time make her feel protected. I just wish she wouldn't set herself up for failure. I want her to be happy, and I want her to make wise choices to obtain that happiness.


on top of all of that,

today is the 2nd anniversary of my dad's death.

weird eh?

i swear it feels like i got the call yesterday, i remember it so well.

and sometimes i get mad, when people whine about juvenile things when i know how much things like this hurt. i see other people around me who i care about going through incredibly difficult things too right now in my life, and it makes me so frustrated how people think it's such a huge deal if they didn't like the dinner options or if someone unintentionally hurts someone else's feelings. 

i know next week, that'll be me all over again, mad about little things, it's normal, and it's human.

but today my heart aches, and it's a kind of ache i can't really even explain.

and my mom just wants me to not care because she couldn't understand my dad for the good person he was inside. 

today, i don't care if she broke up with you and is dating someone new. i don't care if you don't like lunch. and i don't care if the SLC is too far for you to walk too.

but i do care if you're heart is aching like mine. if you have, thought you were going to, or are facing the possibility of losing someone you love, or your own. because people don't talk about it enough. and because sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish and be upset that this is happening or has happened.

i know i rambled on, and didn't make much sense today, but i'm okay with that. and you should be too.

i'll be normal and whiney again soon, no worries.

i love you daddy. 

you'd be proud of me these days, i've done a lot in the last 2 years.

you're baby girl,

- ella faye