Thursday, 4 August 2011

so petrified - i'm so scared to step into this ride.

i am more nervous for this date than i am for the exam i have that same day.

nothing has happened with him since then - we had a nice chat about random things yesterday, but nothing earth shaking.

he makes me nervous - who am i?!

this is so unlike me! i'm usually pretty calm and collected about boys. i've been on like, a million first dates (yes, i realize i'm exaggerating, but it's a pretty high number), but i don't know that i've ever wanted to impress someone so bad before.

i realize this isn't going to progress into anything, afterall, we go on our work terms in like, 2 weeks, and won't see each other for four months, and, I don't even know if he's that into me, he might be taking me on a pity date. I mean, afterall, I did have to lay everything on the line for him to ask me, he might have just done it to not hurt my feelings, which wouldn't have been that hurt if he said he wasn't into me, but he doesn't know that for sure.

and he's just such a nice guy. i sure hope this isn't some ploy to get off easy and not hurt me, because this would hurt me more.

right now, i'm the kind of girl i hate. i'm caught up in an idea, and i will likely get hurt, if not now, in a couple weeks. and i know i'm so cliche and lame to say he's worth it, but i'm going to stick by that statement. I've never really met someone like him, and I wouldn't want to say I passed up a great opportunity.

I'm stealing my friend Jeff's love motto - "Fall hard now and deal with heartbreak later"

it's scary. i'm nervous, anxious, terrified.

excited, giddy, happy.

i'm all over the map these days.

new risk-taking ella is insane. with the stress this is causing, i don't know if i can handle it! aha.

- ella faye

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