she's the muse.

for those of you who don't know,

i am still an RA, aha.

i am once again donning an all girls floor, crazy eh?
i'm wayyyy too awkward for this gig, i'm fortunate that my boss can see beyond that.

it's funny for me this year,
because my whole floor is way cooler than i am.

like, WAY cooler,
cause although i love me, and i embrace all my nerdisms,
i'm kind of a big loser.
an awesome loser,
but still a loser.

i'm awkwardly in awe of how awesome and cool all my girls are,
i'm like an awkward proud momma over here,
just not a hot momma,
like a "mom jeans and 80s glasses" momma,
you know?

either way, i think it'll be awesome,
because they're awesome,
so maybe some of their cool will rub off.

it's going to be a great year.

- ella faye

New Years Eve - Who Knew I'd End Up Here?!

my body has been claimed, soul has been shipped away.

so i'll be frank,

i'm not exactly all about the "literary classics"

i just think writing and fiction has developed a lot in the last 50 years, and that as the world become more literate, more writers are created, and so there are simply more options.

there is a reason Canadian Crusoes is not on this weeks best selling list.

i have to read this freaking book for tuesday for my children's lit class, but it's honestly the most boring book i've ever tried to read. it's like pulling teeth to get myself to read it, hence why i am writing this instead of reading.

don't get me wrong, i really love reading. just not lame books about stupid kids who can't find their way out of the forest (that description honestly makes the book seem way more thrilling than it actually is)

i have so many more important things than this dumb book. i want to find a job for next term, and do readings for other classes (well, maybe that one), and socialize with the first years on my floor.

ughhh.

such is life i suppose.

well, back to reading for now i suppose. i'm definitely ordering pizza later this evening.

- ella fayye

i'm a ghost, haunting these halls.

sometimes it's time for me to flashback to highschool.

today was that time apparently.

we were hanging pictures in the house, after coming across a few boxes of pictures of the folks from a long time ago. along with them, is this picture of Jean Vanier.

Vanier created L'Arche, and i've noticed people in L'Arche quote his books like the bible. It's actually a little uncomfortable, because to me, Vanier isn't God, and it's weird that he's kind of treated that way. But anyways, this picture is supposed to be up in the house.

we looked around the house and found an ideal location, because it would be kind of out of the way where people wouldn't have to really see it, but leadership would be able to see it and be happy that we had put it up.

unfortunately, I had to hang over the edge of a ledge to hang it.

flashback to grade 9 hanging lights in the caf with Court and Katherine. Hanging over the ledge of the cherry picker, and hoping to God that none of the teachers came in and saw, because otherwise I'd have to come down, and move the cherry picker, when if i just took a little risk, i could totally hang that light.

or, climbing up our sketchville ladder to hang on the teasers, and being yelled at by the VP.

or whatever, whatever i ended up doing with crew.

i miss that. the team, who all spent a weird amount of time together.

taking risks and staying at the school till all hours of the night.

and even though i really kind of hate it here, sometimes i'm reminded that I will always be crazy old me, and that can be a great thing, no matter where i am.

- ella faye

how sweet it is.

i'm so sorry that i'm so fail at blogging these days,

having a real life has done that to me i suppose.

i'm tired all the time at work too, i don't know why, but i can hardly stay awake come the evening.

this week i had to cut out leaves.

like, seriously, a hundred leaves.

i hate cutting out detailed things.

i hate cutting out anything really,

my hands actually swell up when i use scissors. i get grouchy and short tempered, it's not a good scene.

but here i was, sitting with Jane and cutting out leaves for two freaking hours.

but you know what?

it wasn't so bad.

i've been having a rougher time these days,

my heart is heavy missing the close support of my friends (and Michael) from school.

i feel left out of all that is happening at the Residence while I waste away in the little no name town that i live it.

but just simply sitting with Jane and listening to her tell me stories about her week, laughing at when I make a mistake and listening to some quiet music was so innocent and beautiful.

i love finding joy in the mundane things of life like that.

awesome.

- ella faye

beneath sheets of paper lies my truth.

today i moved back into residence for a week.

i love this place - but it doesn't feel the same right now.

maybe it's the lack of sarah, or trevor or mike - you know? that support system? that calm place? i feel like a stranger in the building that was home only two weeks ago.

but, i'm meeting new wonderful people.

alison is a sweetheart, she is the other don for my floor, because I will be back at L'Arche in the fall. she helped me prepare for my session and she just seem fun.

and andrew is wild. i swear i'm always laughing when he's around, and he was friends with mike in the fall term, so i have that connection, you know?

jason has a heart wrenching story. he exudes strength and wisdom, and even though he might be frail, he makes me feel safe.

caitlyn is genuine and lovely. i can't exactly describe her, but i would want to say she's bright.  she has a magnetic quality that makes you feel good when she's in the room.

it's just another page. another journey.

i'm happy. i'm strong. and although i'm out of my comfort zone - i can make the best of this.

who knows - someone here might be my new safe.

- ella faye

silence reveals where we really are.

so this super cute, nice guy in my residence made a bet with me.

and for those of you who know me well, I don't lose bets (within reason).

i have to run 5km.

i might actually die before i win this, but i'm seriously going to try until my death. i hate losing that much.

i really, really hate running - a lot.

but, i am learning something,

the more i run, the closer i find myself drawing to God - how random!

i pump up my worship playlist (with the exception of this morning's run - which I did significantly worse at...) and just go for it, i think the idea of honouring God take the focus of my pain.

this dare is seriously enhancing my worship time - i know, it's nuts.

but it's pretty awesome. i might not win over mystery boy by improving my athleticism (although it is an ulterior motive), i might not lose all the extra weight i gained after my dad died (but it sure isn't hurting that goal), and i might not even win the dare, but I know i'm benefitting.

also, a girl in my program is running with me.  it's nice. she's someone i really wouldn't have guessed in first year i'd end up friends with - after, i'd never been drunk and they had messy monday - freaky fridays (or something along those lines, aha) on her residence floor. but she's pretty hilarious and awesome. and it even works out because although she's a significantly better runner, my legs are twice as long, so my slow pace works out for her.

silly mike doesn't even know how much i'm gaining from this dare. i'm pretty sure i'll win two fold (watching him come to my hot yoga class when I win will be one more benefit). it's funny how things work out like that sometimes, what a great couple of surprises.

now - studying for my exam on saturday. i love you all, but this blog might be the downfall of my marks this term :P

- ella faye

i got guilt on my hands - i need to give myself a second chance.

please don't judge me for the following post.

if you are a judgemental person, stop reading here.

this is your last warning, you can not have any negative thoughts or feelings towards me as a result of the following post.

i went to bomber wednesday with carrie again, with the promise that I would not make out with a stranger.

well.

we ran into a bunch of friends from residence in first year, celebrating someone's birthday. we also ran into like, 5 people from my speech communications class, which is weird, because there is only like 20 people in the class, and Carrie, a girl from residence named Amanda and I are also all in this little class.

so Amanda made a dare to me - to kiss one of the people from our speech communications class before the end of the night.

naturally, i accepted the challenge.

naturally, i won the dare.

i'm super super competitive, and sometimes it clouds my judgement.

i felt guilty when I came home, i mean, this isn't the person who I want to be.

but alas, it happened, and it makes a pretty sweet story. I just am super not looking forward to class on monday.

so please don't judge me, i judge myself enough. and seriously, this is the last time this happens.

this isn't the type of person that i want to be! from hereon in i'm getting some more class!

- ella faye

p.s. bryan, don't tell mom. thanks, i owe you one.

birds and bees and songs like these.

pre-script. the post this morning was actually for yesterday but i wanted to make sure flo could tell everyone first.

i love summer term.

as the school term comes to an end, it amazes me how much i've loved doing school in the summer. 

it's like school, except beach volleyball every day, sunshine and happiness. 

so far i've: significantly improved my volleyball and videogame skills, gotten a sweet tan, become an unofficial euchre champion, had a sweet bonfire night, watched a drunk girl pee on the road in front of my residence, owned and failed some trivia questions at trivia night, celebrated a friends nineteenth birthday, owned a couple midterms, had a couple of papers and midterms own me, met some awesome people, kissed a stranger, not kissed anyone in res (although, much to my dismay baha), made friends, let go of some harmful relationships, eaten a ton of junk food and freezies, gone camping with some hot germans, seen an old favourite band in concert, spent an allnighter in the hospital, played a crazy amount of the sims, and just generally been awesome.

you should be so super crazy jealous of my life.

cause you want, what you want, and it's natural baby.

- ella faye

make a list of everything you need - leave it empty.

i spent my Canada day - for the most part - inside my res building, working on an assignment due at midnight, with a bad cold, and a champion sunburn. 

it had moments, where it was exactly as lame as it sounds.

I was on duty as a don, so I couldn't leave the property, but in the afternoon, Bjorn covered for me so I could go to the Canada day fair with my awesome bff Nzinga. 

We had a super fun time! I raced in a potato sac race (and lost, oh well), I raced some like, 4 year old little girl in an obstacle course - i obviously let her win - who's mom was cheering for me more than her daughter, it was serious lolz. I got a sweet henna tattoo of Charmeleon and I ate a delicious freezee (more delicious when free, and on Canada day). 

then, I took my sunburnt self back to residence to hold down the fort while everyone else partied it up. Some of the residents (the most awesome ones in res this term, i might add) stayed back and played cards with me upon return from fireworks, and Chris even battled pokemon cards with me (awesome) and the college was quiet and peaceful. it turned out to be an okay Canada day despite my rough morning.

now I have sweet tan lines. charmeleon tattooed on my body. a reputation for being a pokemon master and a unique canada day story. 

i think my canada day was probably better than yours. just sayin'.

- ella faye

baby, i have no story to be told.

I think I got high off coughdrops today.

I took above the recommended dose of cepacol (that's intense stuff man) and let me explain:

I went to class to give my speech, jumped right into asking questions without saying hi to the prof (he laughed at me because he knew I was nervous, but it was kinda rude), I giggled like mad, I was all highstrung, then he told me I was too nice to be a Don. I laughed and said I was a mean Don (i'm not really, but I do make sure people follow the rules), and that I've been known to be called "Elisabitch" (true story). He laughed, I laughed, but, in hindsight, probably not a good move to explain to a prof right before he grades me. I do the speech, I thought I did pretty well, but I missed some important points, oh well, life goes on. Then, about two speeches after mine, I crashed. I feel tired, have a headache and couldn't focus. It's like a throat lozenge hangover man!

Now, i'm "listening" to my uneducated, overconfident prof, who actually reduced to just throwing out words with no logical cohesiveness this class ("Logic, Leader, Spirit.. You know what I me?" "No, I don't know what you mean, make sentences please"). And then later I get to watch Ghostbusters to write a paper on it for this class. I have a lolz life today.

It's a good thing I'm too busy to care about the whole Keegan thing. I know he's upset about how I told him I was hurt, and then that maybe we should have a little space for a while. He knows I don't love his girlfriend, but I deal with all her drama and she makes him upset all the time, and I just sit and listen and try and help him make it better. But, he is supposed to be my friend and stick with me no matter what. I was in his life before her, and I will be there after her, so why does she still manage to trump me in every way possible!? Ugh. Boys are lame.

But you know what, after class I'll pop another few lozenges and I won't even care anymore!

- ella faye

it's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive.

Member that time, when I said I would improve my work ethic?

I didn't happen,
aha.

Well, It kinda has, I mean, I have been working really hard on my speech due Wednesday, about why I disagree with the use of Turnitin.com and how come students should avoid using it when alternate methods are offered.

I think I'm totally on a roll, and I think I make a really convincing argument.

However, that doesn't help the fact that I have a monster midterm tomorrow and I haven't even cracked the textbook. lamelamelamelamelame.

But. I want to tell you a completely silly and ridiculous story that made my day yesterday.

Andrea wasn't the only person baptized yesterday, and one little girl who may have changed my life.

In her story about her life, and how she came to follow God, she mentioned being totally terrified of geese.

I had to let out a little laugh as she said this, and a friend of mine said to me "It's like she's reading an insert from your blog!" (you can see the post he was referencing here)

This girl could not have been older than 13, and she was talking about her fear of geese, and how when she prayed once, the geese just all peaced out and she could walk where ever she was going in peace.

Super lame and hilarious story, with super huge meaning. I love it, it's like the story of my life.

I am not alone, in my fear of geese, or, anything else for that matter.

And God has control of even the most minor details of my life, because even the most trivial things can be a big deal in my life.

I am so, so blessed. Also, I'm super glad this fear of geese thing is being brought to light.

If the fear of geese is affecting your everyday life, click here for a great guide on how to avoid attacks from geese. this is serious people. follow these instructions, so far this year, I have not had any dangerous encounters.

now, back to studying!

- ella faye