in the night light, we still shine bright.

no matter how difficult of a time i am in, i am blessed to have the friends and relationships that i do.

my floor is an excellent example of that.

their love for gotcha makes me smile every day.

"dee" always makes me laugh, because she is just crazy. the other day she walked to my door, collapsed halfway in my room and halfway in the hall and exclaimed breathlessly how happy she was to have finished her first ever university essay. i laughed at her and asked her where her sword for gotcha was, and she looked at me in terror, stood up, and without a word booked it back to her room to return to safety. i never would have guessed that she'd grow so attached to her plastic pirate sword.

and "rawn"is super competitive. she bbms me every time she gets someone out of the game, and i swear i can feel her excitement through my phone before I've even read the message. she could very well win this game with her passion for wiping out all the boys still left in the game.

i see girls walking to the washroom with their sword in hand, hear them plotting schemes to tag out other people, and brag to their friends how exciting it is to be a part of this game, and that's the purpose of these sorts of things. it's bringing people together and bringing laughter and excitement to people's lives and time here in residence. 

i didn't tell my floor that yesterday was the anniversary of my father's death, and i'm glad, because instead of being cautious around me all day like some people do, they reminded me that no matter what hardships i've experienced, that i'm so blessed to be afforded the experiences i have, and to be surrounded by the people here.

i know my daddy is watching out for me, there is proof every day in little things like that.

- ella faye

she's the muse.

for those of you who don't know,

i am still an RA, aha.

i am once again donning an all girls floor, crazy eh?
i'm wayyyy too awkward for this gig, i'm fortunate that my boss can see beyond that.

it's funny for me this year,
because my whole floor is way cooler than i am.

like, WAY cooler,
cause although i love me, and i embrace all my nerdisms,
i'm kind of a big loser.
an awesome loser,
but still a loser.

i'm awkwardly in awe of how awesome and cool all my girls are,
i'm like an awkward proud momma over here,
just not a hot momma,
like a "mom jeans and 80s glasses" momma,
you know?

either way, i think it'll be awesome,
because they're awesome,
so maybe some of their cool will rub off.

it's going to be a great year.

- ella faye

New Years Eve - Who Knew I'd End Up Here?!

life was on our tongues, and it tasted heavenly.

oh hey everyone.

i just have to say, this is my 100th post on this blog.

i never would have imagined back in march when I was looking for an outlet for my feelings and stories that i would create a journal read by people all over the world.

in fact, today so far, on it's own, i've had almost the same amount of hits as i did in the entire first month.

i laugh when i look at the feelings, thoughts and ideas that i had just a few months ago, and how much i've changed. also, i laugh when i realize the most commonly read posts are those to the elusive mystery boy, who managed to capture my heart is such a whole and unique way.

i smile to think of my beloved core members and how i'll be seeing them agains soon. I miss them, but i'm also really going to miss being here. I've had the best term, and met the most amazing people. This moving every four months does not fly with me!

i'm so thankful for this, for you and for my experiences.

thank you for taking time out of your day to care what i care about! i will keep enlightening you with the silly fun stories that make up my life, and i hope you will keep coming back to read them!

you rock an epic amount.

- ella faye

you've really got me going this time.

i am not a particularly hairy person.

i have fine blonde hair, i can go almost a week without having to consider shaving my legs, and my eyebrows pretty much are as thin as they come naturally,

with the exception of those stupid stupid super fine random dark hairs that grow amidst my eyebrows.

like seriously?! wth?!

so, because i have that date tomorrow and i have to stay up till 2 am for rounds of the residence,

i decided to take on these little buggers.

i decided this was serious, none of this "cheapo tweezers" crap. I dug out my nice, quality tweezers that i keep in a hidden location because i lose tweezers like it's my job.

after a legit amount of pinched skin, one visit from trevor and half an episode of wipe out, i realized this was a hopeless cause.

time to break out the big leagues, facial wax.

i like to keep some on backup in case i ever have a moustache or eyebrow emergency.

i lather on that wax like it's bodywash after hot yoga, with perfect eyebrows in sight. afterall, eyebrows can make or break a date, right?

and, my brows have a great shape, better than they have all term as i've let them "run wild" for the term, which probably no one noticed but me because they are so measly to begin with, but those stupid little hairs are still there.

not.cool.

i mean, they're pretty much growing out of my eyelid! this is not natural!

please, if you have a solution to this issue, this would be a good time to share. i'm an eyebrow maintenance baby and need some guidance through this hard time.

this is seriously stuff man. screw my exam later today, i have eyebrows to maintain!

on a side note: i might need a jesus intervention on this exam. it's likely going to be pretty rough.

anyways, i hope you enjoyed this "for the most part non related to boys blogpost" back by popular demand.

check out those beautiful natural brows on 10 year old me!

- ella faye

she takes my money - when i'm in need.

i have the most awesome car to ever exist on the face of this earth,

she is the Golddigger.

She is a 2002, Dream Cruiser 1. A special edition bright Gold version of the PT cruiser, that comes equipped with gold inlay in the leather seats, "Dream Cruiser" rims and a Grammy Nominees of 2001 CD in the CD player - including the ever so fabulous clean version of "The Real Slim Shady". This car is anyone's dream car.

I have a lot of fond memories in that car - cruising around whitby with the sunroof down and Courtney and Heidi belting along to Ke$ha with me, venturing into Montreal with Max and Florian, picking my drunk friends up at the beach only to be argued with about who's water bottle I brought with me, chats with Daniel driving to and from Waterloo. She is cherished and loved by many.

Unfortunately, late at night on Saturday July 23rd, some drunk, foolish hooligans decided the Golddigger was not worth the respect of just walking on by. They climbed on top of my car and jumped on the roof - caving it in. With $4500 of damage done to my beloved car, this seems to have overcome her, and she will be moving on to car heaven in the near future. I have decided to be a responsible mother, and I am donating her parts so she can save the lives of other cars around the world. Our loss with help make other car owners exceedingly happy with news that they can now be given a much needed car transplant.

She is in stable condition, and is still with me here in Waterloo. She is accepting visits from August 6th until she is put down - the date for this is still unknown. Thank you all for your support and condolences in this time, on behalf of the Golddigger herself, and the rest of our family, we are incredibly grateful for all your love and support.

She will be missed - but her legacy will live on.

- ella faye

heal over someday.

happy canada day y'all.

i wish i was out celebrating, however, i'm on duty so i'm here.

and sometimes, being alone just makes me sad.

i still struggle with how easily the guys in my life have just broken my heart without even caring. like seriously, Kevin dumps me, Daniel abandons me, Max rejects me and Keegan gives up on me. It's incredibly frustrating. I feel so lonely, and it's sucky and lame, and on top of that, i'm stuck in the building for Canada day, alone.

It doesn't always help that my girlfriends are few and far between. Girls don't usually like me all that much (i'm a pretty intimidating person), and the ones I do have are in toronto/whitby/quebec/ottawa for the weekend. it's one of those days where i just wake up sad, my soul is sad today. most days aren't like this for me, but it's days where i'd call my dad or we'd have normally spent together that are particularly hard.

he wasn't always a perfect dad, but he always took the time to talk when I needed it, and today I'd definitely have called him. he loved Canada day. Last year he came and saw me sing to advertise my play. He was super embarrassed because my costume was hardly clothing, but he took it like a champ anyways. for all the frustration, yelling and hurtful things, he was the most supportive parent when it came to the things I was passionate about. He never missed a show, no matter how small and insignificant my role, and now I don't really get that as much.

I mean, my mom is great. But she's a busy lady. I feel like her time is so stretched between all her other commitments that I can't always ask her to give up time for me. Dad really only had work and me, since Bryan and Jared weren't as involved in school as I was. He still showed up for their stuff, but there was just less of it.

I know God has a plan. I know he has someone to come and be a partner and a companion for me. I know he didn't abandon me. I know great things are going to come from my bad experiences. Today I just really wish someone would crawl into my bed and hold me and let me cry. Listen to my stories about my dad, the good ones and the bad ones, and then make me tea and play a thoughtless card game.

But, because that's not an option today, I'm just going to put a brave face on and celebrate our awesome country.

- ella faye

baby can you hear the message i am sending? (love me like the world is ending)

i know i'm not creative,

but boys are lame.

alongside the whole keegan drama, which has not been resolved, however, I can guarantee you 100% I will not be naming any of my daughters Victoria, because the name is ruined for me by Keegan's controlling, dramatic and obnoxious girlfriend. But that doesn't say all that much as I already was not a big fan of the name, it sounds to harsh, you know?

anyways, back to what I was saying. I developed a new mystery boy. He's great, exactly the kind of guy I could see myself with. He made me happy and feel safe, and we were developing quite the friendship. But he ruined it, he said something lame. I can't give anymore details because I refuse to give identifying information as enough people who are mutual friends read this blog that they might already know who I'm talking about.

Either way, on top of that, this is super selfish I know, but a good friend of mine is happily considering getting back together with her boyfriend (flashback to me and daniel), and unfortunately, I'm not his biggest fan (flashback to everyone's opinion of me and daniel), and I'm frustrated because I don't want to see her get hurt again (flashback to exactly what she told me about me and daniel), and since things with Daniel are so fine and dandy (I wish!), I just have concern.

Speaking of Daniel, I miss him. We're on speaking terms again sometimes, but hardly on a regular basis. I just miss having that best friend, who's been through everything with me. He would give me logic and understand about this whole Keegan thing, (probably not the mystery boy because that's a more touchy subject) and then I would feel better and understand better why this happened. Then he would take me out to Starbucks for a White Chocolate Mocha and we'd play pool by my rules (which allow me to take a second try anytime I say "oh no!")

I guess I'm just a little anti-man these days. Maybe I'll just hold off of boys until I apply to be on the Bachelor and win the rich guy. My seductress ways have not been successful with the last two mystery boys, but I haven't lost faith. I know I'm beautiful, hilarious and awesome. Someone else is bound to see that soontimes!

- ella faye

the city's changing, cause we are changing.

right now, I am just feeling plain devastated.

remember my bff Keegan? well, he did end up letting me down.

Keegan means the world to me, and I could never have asked for a better friend. But, his girlfriend has changed everything around, and she's slowly weening me out of his life.

He was supposed to come and visit me overnight this weekend, just for the one evening. I don't get to see him often, and I was really looking forward to a visit. But, he just texted me saying even though Vicki had initially agreed, she had changed her mind and now it's a no go.

I just wish I could have my best friend back. This is so lame.

Sorry for being a bum today, tomorrow will be better, Sarah is dropping by to see me, and Chris will watch the Bachelorette with me. It'll be nice to invest time in friends who invest it back.

Sometimes these lessons get learned the hard way. lamelamelamelamelame.

love and miss these girlies.

- ella faye