in the night light, we still shine bright.

no matter how difficult of a time i am in, i am blessed to have the friends and relationships that i do.

my floor is an excellent example of that.

their love for gotcha makes me smile every day.

"dee" always makes me laugh, because she is just crazy. the other day she walked to my door, collapsed halfway in my room and halfway in the hall and exclaimed breathlessly how happy she was to have finished her first ever university essay. i laughed at her and asked her where her sword for gotcha was, and she looked at me in terror, stood up, and without a word booked it back to her room to return to safety. i never would have guessed that she'd grow so attached to her plastic pirate sword.

and "rawn"is super competitive. she bbms me every time she gets someone out of the game, and i swear i can feel her excitement through my phone before I've even read the message. she could very well win this game with her passion for wiping out all the boys still left in the game.

i see girls walking to the washroom with their sword in hand, hear them plotting schemes to tag out other people, and brag to their friends how exciting it is to be a part of this game, and that's the purpose of these sorts of things. it's bringing people together and bringing laughter and excitement to people's lives and time here in residence. 

i didn't tell my floor that yesterday was the anniversary of my father's death, and i'm glad, because instead of being cautious around me all day like some people do, they reminded me that no matter what hardships i've experienced, that i'm so blessed to be afforded the experiences i have, and to be surrounded by the people here.

i know my daddy is watching out for me, there is proof every day in little things like that.

- ella faye

so why you looking so nervous? you know you're gonna deserve this.

it's evident that more than just the pee chair had not been cleaned since i left in April.

today, I surrendered to the pee chair.

i accept that no matter how many lysol wipes, no matter how much scrubbing and no matter how much fiddling with that zipper, that pee chair will be eternally dirty.

i sprayed her down intensely with lysol today, and man did she ever need it! i could pretty much hear it's screams in terror as it shed it's grimy skin. And yet, when I wiped her down again later it was as though we'd never had that previous encounter. i'm pretty sure the chair actually produces it's own grime!

but then, i had to take on a new challenge.

rumour had it around town there was a new source of disgust in town - the washing machine.

in a house with eight people, and a fair share incontinence, the washing machine is a happening joint in this town. the party usually starts around 8am with wake up and goes nonstop until till we hit the hay around 8 in the eveningtime.

so the buzz spread quickly when folks heard i was going to challenge this washer to a cleanliness duel.

i prepared myself for the worst; sloppy clothes, protective gloves, lysol in multiple forms and a full roll of paper towel. but i could never have been prepared enough for the challenge that lay ahead.

you see, a front loading washer like the one here, has a rubber ring around the front, to help seal the washer door closed. but, ladies and gents, water gets into the creases of such rubber ring. and sits there, and turns itself into a substance much like the way i would imagine a pokemon like Grimer to be made out of. A dark, slimy, stench filled sludge. blechh.

i scrubbed as much as i could between gags. and had a variety of weird flashbacks to a variety of previous pee chair incidents - but i kept fighting.

i did my best. i cleaned with all i had in me. and for now, i think i'm in control, we'll see how my work holds up.

it's hard, but i'm doing my best to look up today.

- ella faye

how sweet it is.

i'm so sorry that i'm so fail at blogging these days,

having a real life has done that to me i suppose.

i'm tired all the time at work too, i don't know why, but i can hardly stay awake come the evening.

this week i had to cut out leaves.

like, seriously, a hundred leaves.

i hate cutting out detailed things.

i hate cutting out anything really,

my hands actually swell up when i use scissors. i get grouchy and short tempered, it's not a good scene.

but here i was, sitting with Jane and cutting out leaves for two freaking hours.

but you know what?

it wasn't so bad.

i've been having a rougher time these days,

my heart is heavy missing the close support of my friends (and Michael) from school.

i feel left out of all that is happening at the Residence while I waste away in the little no name town that i live it.

but just simply sitting with Jane and listening to her tell me stories about her week, laughing at when I make a mistake and listening to some quiet music was so innocent and beautiful.

i love finding joy in the mundane things of life like that.

awesome.

- ella faye

in the evening, you can catch me daydreaming.

there is something awesome about food.

food is a social thing, it brings people together, it gives us nutrition, it causes some of us anxiety and others peace.

L'Arche is often centred around the table, around dinner, around food.

it's a simple concept really, since everyone in the house is out and about doing different things so often.

today i really got that.

i was making lunch for Jay, myself and my house leader Marie. Normally we just throw together sandwiches and part ways, but today i was feeling adventurous and made a lovely pasta sauce for us.

i haven't eaten lunch with any of the folks in a long time, since usually that's my only time off in the day, but today i took the time just to sit with him and my wonderful boss Marie.

i couldn't tell you what we talked about, or the silly things Jay said - which he has a tendency to do. but i can tell you i'd forgotten how much I really really love being here.

i'd been feeling so stressed and worn thin, but this meal made it up. i remember why i'm back.

and i'm back.

hopefully i'll be able to enlighten you again soon with the silly stories of my life here. i'd been a little lost, but some pasta fixed that.

get ready, life is crazy.

this is how we did shared meal time at school

- ella faye

lookie who is is comin', who? (you've got that somethin')

sorry that i suck at blogging these days,

i haven't been feeling as inspired as i used to be.

i don't know why, i still love the folks, and i still see quirks in my everyday life, but for some reason it seems to be getting lost in all the stress and craziness of the house.

but i'm going to try harder, I promise

(and at least I'm still doing better than you Em! aha)

but I did realize some hilarity in my life today,

in the form of my hickville dirt next door neighbours.

the neighbours i called the cops on when they were setting off fireworks on their front lawn underneath the phone lines.

or the neighbours that brought me an incredible amount of laughter when I got to play "how many cars do the next door neighbours actually have" last spring when the snow melted and revealed more and more hidden automobiles.

and then, last week, I drove by to see one of the children (no one is really confident how many children actually live here) on the front lawn naked climbing into one of the unusable vehicles. I might have peed myself a little I was laughing so hard, does this 13 year old kid have no pride?!

well anyways, last spring I counted 9 vehicles on their property, and this year there is less, around 5. However, a new, significantly more beat up vehicle has now made it on to the lot.

and yet, i see the dad working on this piece of junk all the time! the front is wrecked, the driver's door has been replaced and the rear bumper is a piece of abstract art, so of all the vehicles for my crazy neighbour to try and make work, why would he pick this one?

but it occurred to me was i was sitting on the couch in the living room after dinner today.

that car needs the most care - he doesn't see them as simple stupid wastes of time like I might, they're his projects, and this one needs the most attention right now.

aren't we all kind of like that?

sometimes i look at my life and think, i've been that junker, the big waste of time.

growing up being told you're useless and not worth it gets to you, and then add being hit and thrown around a bit and you've got quite the fragile young girl.

but people took the time for me, and helped fixed me up. made me the stronger and independent woman that i am today.

I don't know why people chose to invest in me, when it would have been way easier to brush me aside and take the time on people with more evident potential,

but i'm thankful that they did.

so, you go for it awkward redneck neighbour next door.

you fix that car!

- ella faye

i wanna hold you in my arms.

i'm baaaaaccckkkkkk

right back where this whole thing started,

my L'Arche home.

Mostly the same - but a new addition, Keira.


along with all the same joys of being here, the same stressors, in fact, perhaps more so, still surround me.

but, it feels good, i feel good.

with Michael standing behind me (behind me being on the other side of the country, but still a great support system), and some great co-workers (yeah you Scott), I know I can survive another four months here.

I'd forgotten the simplicity of life with the folks, and the beauty of how they perceive things.

we had retreat this past weekend, where we took all our folks to a retreat centre for the night to take a mini vacation.

it was beautiful,

I was sitting with Barrie, a coremember from Max's old house, and some other folks and assistants on Sunday morning, and they were talking about some of the core-members who had moved on from L'Arche to either nursing homes or who'd passes away.

Barrie, an endearing man who has a habit of repeating things, was talking about a friend who had passed on.

"He passed on, he passed away, that guy? he passed away."

and then he goes,

"he's in a box now."

the look on poor Keira's face was precious. death is sacred and taboo for her, and the idea of calling a coffin a box was mortifying for the dear lady.

I'd forgotten the little things like this, that just make me do anything to hold in my laughter.

Barrie was right, he is in a box now, but Keira immediately corrected him and explained for people, it was called a coffin.

how silly right?! why do we need a special name for the box we get buried in? it's no secret what it is! aha, i just had to laugh at how straight forward the folks can be sometimes.

it's good to be back.

i'm sure i'll have many stories to tell in coming days,

i mean, the pee chair is still here, and i have some unfinished business with it.



- ella faye

beneath sheets of paper lies my truth.

today i moved back into residence for a week.

i love this place - but it doesn't feel the same right now.

maybe it's the lack of sarah, or trevor or mike - you know? that support system? that calm place? i feel like a stranger in the building that was home only two weeks ago.

but, i'm meeting new wonderful people.

alison is a sweetheart, she is the other don for my floor, because I will be back at L'Arche in the fall. she helped me prepare for my session and she just seem fun.

and andrew is wild. i swear i'm always laughing when he's around, and he was friends with mike in the fall term, so i have that connection, you know?

jason has a heart wrenching story. he exudes strength and wisdom, and even though he might be frail, he makes me feel safe.

caitlyn is genuine and lovely. i can't exactly describe her, but i would want to say she's bright.  she has a magnetic quality that makes you feel good when she's in the room.

it's just another page. another journey.

i'm happy. i'm strong. and although i'm out of my comfort zone - i can make the best of this.

who knows - someone here might be my new safe.

- ella faye

your love is the best sound i have ever heard.

sorry that i suck at writing in transition times in my life.

it was the same between L'Arche and school, and now it's the opposite.

i got a new car to replace the lovely Golddigger, but i will dedicate a whole post to my dearest Romeo soon, I need to get to know him a little better before i can write a post that will do him justice.

i just felt like i should give you a good old update on what is happening in my life,

things are still awesome with mike i'm pretty sure. :) he was away for a week, and i did the whole "anxious, he's going to dump me upon return" thing for a few days, but im mostly over it now, he's back, hasn't dumped me so far, and if he does, it's his loss because i rock.

in other news, i've decided for the most part, my little brother bryan is a legitimate person and we might even be friends if we weren't siblings and were closer in age. don't tell him i told you this, because that would ruin my awesome "im too cool for you" facade i pull with my brothers, but it's true. he might even be cooler if i remotely approved of his girlfriend, but he'll have to learn that lesson on his own (again i might add).

so with a combination of bryan being almost  remotely cool, my awesome sweet boyfriend, my cutie other little brother and my awesome male don team from the summer (Bjarnes, Trevor (Troy?) and the good old boss Jeff), i might not actually hate men anymore.

for the amount of time i've spent hating on guys in this blog - this is quite the revelation.

it came to me the other night when I was at a friend's house for a sort of reunion type thing. i just had a great time. it was innocent, and fun, and just perfect. i've been waiting for some easy, some nice, some great. everything is good.  i'm just so happy with where things are at right now.

i know things won't stay like this forever, but im going to soak up every moment while i can.

- ella faye

memories, like embers, keep us warm. you will leave me in the morning.

i guess i should tell you,

mystery boy, or mike, as i would generally refer to him as,

is now my boyfriend.

i know things moved fast, but we decided to take the plunge and DTR before he flew back to the other side of the country to do his work term for the the next four months.

it sucks that i finally get what i've been longing for for months, and then he up and leaves me here to miss him for the next term. but, i'm so happy. by officially labelling our relationship, we're going to have to work hard to make it work while he's away, and i think we will. he's so incredibly wonderful, i don't want to let this go anytime soon.

also, in res, we built an epic sand kingdom.

mike was a part of this, because he's awesome. it's nice to have so much fun with someone again.

so basically, that is what is new in my life. i'm super tired today, but i will write again soontimes.

sand kingdom building crew ftw.

- ella faye

life was on our tongues, and it tasted heavenly.

oh hey everyone.

i just have to say, this is my 100th post on this blog.

i never would have imagined back in march when I was looking for an outlet for my feelings and stories that i would create a journal read by people all over the world.

in fact, today so far, on it's own, i've had almost the same amount of hits as i did in the entire first month.

i laugh when i look at the feelings, thoughts and ideas that i had just a few months ago, and how much i've changed. also, i laugh when i realize the most commonly read posts are those to the elusive mystery boy, who managed to capture my heart is such a whole and unique way.

i smile to think of my beloved core members and how i'll be seeing them agains soon. I miss them, but i'm also really going to miss being here. I've had the best term, and met the most amazing people. This moving every four months does not fly with me!

i'm so thankful for this, for you and for my experiences.

thank you for taking time out of your day to care what i care about! i will keep enlightening you with the silly fun stories that make up my life, and i hope you will keep coming back to read them!

you rock an epic amount.

- ella faye

today was a fairytale - you were the prince.

mystery boy lived up to every expectation i had set and then some.

i don't have to worry about it having been a pity date, i can tell he's pretty into me too.

he took me mini golfing, which was super fun. I got 2 hole-in-ones because im a champion, but he still won, which is good, because i think i destroyed his pride once in residence when i beat him at Call of Duty.

we had some good talks, we both opened up a lot, which was nice. it's such a bummer this didn't happen until so close to the end of term.

he also took me on this awesome adventure. it's like, this online thing where people post where these hidden little things are and you can look up the coordinates and find them. it's like a for real treasure hunt, and there was one hidden on campus, it was the most fun.

everything about my night was perfect. i'm just amazed with him.

i unhate boys.

who would have thought.

- ella faye

you've really got me going this time.

i am not a particularly hairy person.

i have fine blonde hair, i can go almost a week without having to consider shaving my legs, and my eyebrows pretty much are as thin as they come naturally,

with the exception of those stupid stupid super fine random dark hairs that grow amidst my eyebrows.

like seriously?! wth?!

so, because i have that date tomorrow and i have to stay up till 2 am for rounds of the residence,

i decided to take on these little buggers.

i decided this was serious, none of this "cheapo tweezers" crap. I dug out my nice, quality tweezers that i keep in a hidden location because i lose tweezers like it's my job.

after a legit amount of pinched skin, one visit from trevor and half an episode of wipe out, i realized this was a hopeless cause.

time to break out the big leagues, facial wax.

i like to keep some on backup in case i ever have a moustache or eyebrow emergency.

i lather on that wax like it's bodywash after hot yoga, with perfect eyebrows in sight. afterall, eyebrows can make or break a date, right?

and, my brows have a great shape, better than they have all term as i've let them "run wild" for the term, which probably no one noticed but me because they are so measly to begin with, but those stupid little hairs are still there.

not.cool.

i mean, they're pretty much growing out of my eyelid! this is not natural!

please, if you have a solution to this issue, this would be a good time to share. i'm an eyebrow maintenance baby and need some guidance through this hard time.

this is seriously stuff man. screw my exam later today, i have eyebrows to maintain!

on a side note: i might need a jesus intervention on this exam. it's likely going to be pretty rough.

anyways, i hope you enjoyed this "for the most part non related to boys blogpost" back by popular demand.

check out those beautiful natural brows on 10 year old me!

- ella faye

he smiles, it's like the radio.

sometimes i'm pretty sure my life is like, the Truman Show.

That movie messed me up man.

everything is sorta falling into place - cold feet about mystery boy or not.

my term is coming to a close.

i'm happy.

i feel in control.

it's unfortunate that as soon as mystery boy becomes more of a chance, Daniel gets back in touch with me.

but he hasn't made up his mind, and so I can't wait around, you know?

plus, mystery boy makes me so happy, he's who i want a chance with right now anyways.

(side bar: i'm feeling less anxious about this whole thing than I was earlier this morning)

I just feel like everything is too good to be true, or too wild and crazy to even believe.

like seriously, a movie on my life would be freaking hilarious.

I drive a smashed up gold PT cruiser, I have the most dramatic romantic life, my family it nuts, and i say the dumbest things that always set me up to be insulted. I'm pretty sure I'd be te romantic comedy of the year.

My exciting life probably explains why you are reading this right now actually, aha.

but seriously, where do I get funding for this shit :P MTV would seriously profit off making me the new reality tv show on their network. I'm way cooler than Jersey Shore (Mad respect for Snooki though, also, I didn't mean to offend anyone with that comment).

Anyways, I'm off for more studytimes. One more day till I'm free from exams!

"Erotic Aerobics Night - Just a day in my life."

- ella faye

silence reveals where we really are.

so this super cute, nice guy in my residence made a bet with me.

and for those of you who know me well, I don't lose bets (within reason).

i have to run 5km.

i might actually die before i win this, but i'm seriously going to try until my death. i hate losing that much.

i really, really hate running - a lot.

but, i am learning something,

the more i run, the closer i find myself drawing to God - how random!

i pump up my worship playlist (with the exception of this morning's run - which I did significantly worse at...) and just go for it, i think the idea of honouring God take the focus of my pain.

this dare is seriously enhancing my worship time - i know, it's nuts.

but it's pretty awesome. i might not win over mystery boy by improving my athleticism (although it is an ulterior motive), i might not lose all the extra weight i gained after my dad died (but it sure isn't hurting that goal), and i might not even win the dare, but I know i'm benefitting.

also, a girl in my program is running with me.  it's nice. she's someone i really wouldn't have guessed in first year i'd end up friends with - after, i'd never been drunk and they had messy monday - freaky fridays (or something along those lines, aha) on her residence floor. but she's pretty hilarious and awesome. and it even works out because although she's a significantly better runner, my legs are twice as long, so my slow pace works out for her.

silly mike doesn't even know how much i'm gaining from this dare. i'm pretty sure i'll win two fold (watching him come to my hot yoga class when I win will be one more benefit). it's funny how things work out like that sometimes, what a great couple of surprises.

now - studying for my exam on saturday. i love you all, but this blog might be the downfall of my marks this term :P

- ella faye

she takes my money - when i'm in need.

i have the most awesome car to ever exist on the face of this earth,

she is the Golddigger.

She is a 2002, Dream Cruiser 1. A special edition bright Gold version of the PT cruiser, that comes equipped with gold inlay in the leather seats, "Dream Cruiser" rims and a Grammy Nominees of 2001 CD in the CD player - including the ever so fabulous clean version of "The Real Slim Shady". This car is anyone's dream car.

I have a lot of fond memories in that car - cruising around whitby with the sunroof down and Courtney and Heidi belting along to Ke$ha with me, venturing into Montreal with Max and Florian, picking my drunk friends up at the beach only to be argued with about who's water bottle I brought with me, chats with Daniel driving to and from Waterloo. She is cherished and loved by many.

Unfortunately, late at night on Saturday July 23rd, some drunk, foolish hooligans decided the Golddigger was not worth the respect of just walking on by. They climbed on top of my car and jumped on the roof - caving it in. With $4500 of damage done to my beloved car, this seems to have overcome her, and she will be moving on to car heaven in the near future. I have decided to be a responsible mother, and I am donating her parts so she can save the lives of other cars around the world. Our loss with help make other car owners exceedingly happy with news that they can now be given a much needed car transplant.

She is in stable condition, and is still with me here in Waterloo. She is accepting visits from August 6th until she is put down - the date for this is still unknown. Thank you all for your support and condolences in this time, on behalf of the Golddigger herself, and the rest of our family, we are incredibly grateful for all your love and support.

She will be missed - but her legacy will live on.

- ella faye

i'll be waiting for you, when you're ready, to love me again.

so sorry i haven't been on recently.

i had hell week at school.

then so much has happened.

honestly, i want to curl up in my bed and hide from the world - which i am doing right now.

daniel came for a night this weekend - i laid everything on the line, i want him to give me another chance. but also, he's changed, and i'm scared he's not the godly young man that i fell in love with anymore. it's the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach, i just want to cry all of the time, it's pretty lame.

but in my heart, i want to give it another shot, i want to make him see we could be awesome together all over again. but, he can't make up his mind. it sucks.

he told me that being with me is like coming home, because we have such a special level of comfort and understanding, but i don't think he wants to come home anymore. and if he doesn't, i'll cry, but i think i'll be okay. i'll find someone else who "gets" me, makes me laugh, will drink tea by the fire with me and who will kiss my nose.

as if this wasn't sensory over load enough for me - max messaged me today. he asked how school was going, and how i'm doing. he apologized for "not living up to my expectations" while we were camping - is that an apology for unnecessarily dumping me? - and he told me he still considered me a good friend (the friend card - nice). seriously?

i did a bad thing when i left daniel and started dating max. max is a really great guy, but i gave up the man i loved more than i've ever loved anyone for him, and all i got was heartbreak twofold. is it wrong for me to think it's not fair that i have to re-deal with both of them again in one weekend?! seriously boys, did you co-ordinate this or something? frig.

i feel like i'm just going to stay single forever. i don't know if i am willing to make myself vulnerable again. nothing went as planned with daniel, i still love him, but do i love who he used to be instead of who he is now? and max broke my heart so much. and kevin before that.

this brings me to make note of how much i love my residence. if it wasn't for my residence, i swear, i'd have given up on men as a species, and probably would be considering dropping contact with every guy in my life who isn't in my bloodline. but last night, a midst my heavy heart and watering eyes, the boys made me laugh the whole evening away. we had a camp out in front of the building, and everything from pitching tents, to late night euchre, to "never have i ever", to roasted marshmallows, these guys make my heart happy. and even though i snored and sprawled out over everyone in tent, they all said they had a great time at the camp out. i don't know if i've ever had such great guy friends with no strings.  it's honestly just so great.

so, to conclude today - my heart is heavy and sad, because so much of my past hurt is coming into play this weekend, but, the awesome people around me are making it bearable. i'm going to choose to love everyday, even though i so often feel unloved.

- ella faye

i got guilt on my hands - i need to give myself a second chance.

please don't judge me for the following post.

if you are a judgemental person, stop reading here.

this is your last warning, you can not have any negative thoughts or feelings towards me as a result of the following post.

i went to bomber wednesday with carrie again, with the promise that I would not make out with a stranger.

well.

we ran into a bunch of friends from residence in first year, celebrating someone's birthday. we also ran into like, 5 people from my speech communications class, which is weird, because there is only like 20 people in the class, and Carrie, a girl from residence named Amanda and I are also all in this little class.

so Amanda made a dare to me - to kiss one of the people from our speech communications class before the end of the night.

naturally, i accepted the challenge.

naturally, i won the dare.

i'm super super competitive, and sometimes it clouds my judgement.

i felt guilty when I came home, i mean, this isn't the person who I want to be.

but alas, it happened, and it makes a pretty sweet story. I just am super not looking forward to class on monday.

so please don't judge me, i judge myself enough. and seriously, this is the last time this happens.

this isn't the type of person that i want to be! from hereon in i'm getting some more class!

- ella faye

p.s. bryan, don't tell mom. thanks, i owe you one.

birds and bees and songs like these.

pre-script. the post this morning was actually for yesterday but i wanted to make sure flo could tell everyone first.

i love summer term.

as the school term comes to an end, it amazes me how much i've loved doing school in the summer. 

it's like school, except beach volleyball every day, sunshine and happiness. 

so far i've: significantly improved my volleyball and videogame skills, gotten a sweet tan, become an unofficial euchre champion, had a sweet bonfire night, watched a drunk girl pee on the road in front of my residence, owned and failed some trivia questions at trivia night, celebrated a friends nineteenth birthday, owned a couple midterms, had a couple of papers and midterms own me, met some awesome people, kissed a stranger, not kissed anyone in res (although, much to my dismay baha), made friends, let go of some harmful relationships, eaten a ton of junk food and freezies, gone camping with some hot germans, seen an old favourite band in concert, spent an allnighter in the hospital, played a crazy amount of the sims, and just generally been awesome.

you should be so super crazy jealous of my life.

cause you want, what you want, and it's natural baby.

- ella faye

make a list of everything you need - leave it empty.

i spent my Canada day - for the most part - inside my res building, working on an assignment due at midnight, with a bad cold, and a champion sunburn. 

it had moments, where it was exactly as lame as it sounds.

I was on duty as a don, so I couldn't leave the property, but in the afternoon, Bjorn covered for me so I could go to the Canada day fair with my awesome bff Nzinga. 

We had a super fun time! I raced in a potato sac race (and lost, oh well), I raced some like, 4 year old little girl in an obstacle course - i obviously let her win - who's mom was cheering for me more than her daughter, it was serious lolz. I got a sweet henna tattoo of Charmeleon and I ate a delicious freezee (more delicious when free, and on Canada day). 

then, I took my sunburnt self back to residence to hold down the fort while everyone else partied it up. Some of the residents (the most awesome ones in res this term, i might add) stayed back and played cards with me upon return from fireworks, and Chris even battled pokemon cards with me (awesome) and the college was quiet and peaceful. it turned out to be an okay Canada day despite my rough morning.

now I have sweet tan lines. charmeleon tattooed on my body. a reputation for being a pokemon master and a unique canada day story. 

i think my canada day was probably better than yours. just sayin'.

- ella faye

baby, i have no story to be told.

I think I got high off coughdrops today.

I took above the recommended dose of cepacol (that's intense stuff man) and let me explain:

I went to class to give my speech, jumped right into asking questions without saying hi to the prof (he laughed at me because he knew I was nervous, but it was kinda rude), I giggled like mad, I was all highstrung, then he told me I was too nice to be a Don. I laughed and said I was a mean Don (i'm not really, but I do make sure people follow the rules), and that I've been known to be called "Elisabitch" (true story). He laughed, I laughed, but, in hindsight, probably not a good move to explain to a prof right before he grades me. I do the speech, I thought I did pretty well, but I missed some important points, oh well, life goes on. Then, about two speeches after mine, I crashed. I feel tired, have a headache and couldn't focus. It's like a throat lozenge hangover man!

Now, i'm "listening" to my uneducated, overconfident prof, who actually reduced to just throwing out words with no logical cohesiveness this class ("Logic, Leader, Spirit.. You know what I me?" "No, I don't know what you mean, make sentences please"). And then later I get to watch Ghostbusters to write a paper on it for this class. I have a lolz life today.

It's a good thing I'm too busy to care about the whole Keegan thing. I know he's upset about how I told him I was hurt, and then that maybe we should have a little space for a while. He knows I don't love his girlfriend, but I deal with all her drama and she makes him upset all the time, and I just sit and listen and try and help him make it better. But, he is supposed to be my friend and stick with me no matter what. I was in his life before her, and I will be there after her, so why does she still manage to trump me in every way possible!? Ugh. Boys are lame.

But you know what, after class I'll pop another few lozenges and I won't even care anymore!

- ella faye