what is the use of holding back on this much?

i really shouldn't be here blogging,

but leave it to an essay that i must finish by tomorrow to encourage me to post once again.

i find that a lot has been crashing down around me.

i'm tired and lonely here, and it's not getting better. i'm stressed about getting this paper, and the next one done, before my trip out west. and my body is just over it. i'm weak and sore all the time.

also, i'm broke, aha. i've spent the little i had to spare on this wild trip to see michael in calgary. it's a sad day when you call your mom and ask her to mail you a razor because you can't shave your legs because you just can't afford to.

and mom has been so great. she has been such an amazing support, and has backed me 100%. and i'm so, so thankful for her.

but i don't know how i'd be getting by this term without my wonderful man.

you know, ever girl dreams of the guy who will do everything he can to sweep her off her feet. send her chocolates in the mail. write her the most beautiful and eloquent love letters. tell her all the things she wants to hear (and actually mean it!)

and i might have ended up with him.

now, some months down the road i'll likely be blogging about how much of a douchebag he is for breaking my heart, or how he played me all along, or how he's secretly a wanted drug dealer or something, because no one, and no relationship, is this great.

but for now, i'm enjoying every single moment. and, the most i invest now, the more ammo i will have to write epic and amazing hate blogs if he breaks my heart. so really, it's win win for you readers.

i hope you really see my effort to be posting more. i know it's not much, and my posts are subpar, but i've really got to start somewhere, right?

now go invest in something risky, it'll make a good story.

**however, please keep in mind, I will not be help accountable for the loss of money, broken hearts or any other negative consequences to following my advice.

- ella faye