as i sit here enjoying Cake Walk wayyy too much on my Saturday night,
my heart still aches.
i know i've been the worst blogger ever, i keep saying i'm getting out of the slumps but then not following through on my promise to improve my blogging,
but I keep just finding myself here.
sitting alone in my living room.
and feeling so, so alone.
i want more than anything to be able to crawl into my boyfriends arms and be held,
or to meet up with a friend for coffee,
or to walk up to loft to play a game of euchre.
i feel like i've taken having friends close to me for advantage my whole life.
even last term, i had max and florian. when I just needed to vent and cry or drink (don't judge until you've done this job aha) i had someone close. I know I have Scott here, and he's great, but we're at different places in life, and i'm just a passing thing. I dont know, it just doesn't feel the same I guess.
it's hard too because i don't always want to express how i feel. when michael is out with his friends, and asks how my night is going, I don't want to be like "miserable, I'm sitting here crying watching crappy reality television and eating celery sticks." No one likes a miserable texter. But hourly updates about how much fun he is having with the guys is only fuelling my loneliness fire.
sidebar: i've gone from cake walk to Jersey Shore with french voiceovers. I'm actually ashamed of myself right now.
the amount i would give to flash back and crawl into my residence bed knowing i was in a building full of people who love and support me is unreal.
i'm working on it, i am, thank you for your patience.
- ella faye
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