Social media silence and what the heck it has to do with activism

What a world we live in.

Impending Nuclear War. Racism. Lack of access to safe options for abortions and birth control. Assignment of washroom you need to use based on a flimsy piece of paper given to you at birth.

I live in moments of wanting to grow my family, and moments of refusing to expose a perfectly innocent human to the atrocities of this decade (not that many other decades have been that much better.)

As a loud mouthed individual, I try and be really intentional about sharing very little about my political stance on social media (although I did post a handful of think pieces around the election as I navigated  my disbelief of that whole situation, and I sometimes "like" things forgetting they will show up on my friends feeds as though I shared it.) I see lots of posts about how as a cis-gender, middle class, white woman, I need to stand up and fight for equality so being silent is complying with the enemy. I  see posts condemning people for tiring of activism and demanding action.

Sometimes these things hurt my feelings - as though they might be a personal attack on me for my choice to stay silent on social media as much as possible (but some things are just SO likeable!) even though they probably aren't.

I have to remember that activism doesn't have to look the same for everyone. Anyone who knows me personally knows I am not silent about my political beliefs, or my passion for each human to have an equal chance at being treated as the valuable human they are. I just don't think I'm going to change anyone's mind by posting a scathing article about all of the (what seems to me) blatantly obvious issues with white supremacy in North American culture. I don't think reading a facebook status is going to turn a passionately pro-lifer in my world into an pacifist who wants people to make their own choices about their bodies.

Relationship makes those changes.

I grew up in a very anti LGBTQ+ household. I remember my mom crying in the laundry room when Canada made same sex marriage legal - and I was sad to. I didn't know why - but you follow your parents lead for so much in life, and in my tweens, I didn't have a reason to believe much else.

Then, in high school, I started to meet people who didn't identify as cis gender or heterosexual. Sometimes I was weird and insensitive about it - but over time, realized I really cared about people, and their gender or sexuality had no impact on their value. I learned, through experience, that everyone deserves to feel safe in a school washroom, to fall in love and get married, or to walk down the street without an ounce of fear.

I started talking about this more at home. Sometimes casually over dinner, and sometimes in heated debates. I educated myself in the rhetoric my family had heard before me and challenged those ideas a bit at a time. And over time, a little bit at a time, my family home has become an inclusive place for my friends of any sexuality (working on gender still to be honest - but bid strides have been made). I've often been called a bad influence as I've become more and more vocal about my beliefs, but what my parents might consider a bad influence now, will hopefully, someday, become a school of thought that they understand and support.

For me, this is activism. And I wholeheartedly support whatever form of activism is working for you in your world. It's all about a team approach - because isn't inclusivity what we're really striving for?

- e

revival.

Welcome to my revival.

For real this time!

I`ve been thinking about blogging again for a while, but the timing felt off. I wasn`t ready to be open again.

And then I had to decide if I was going to start fresh, or build on what`s here. After much thought, i decided not to leave my past experiences in their space, but to build on them.

I've changed and grown a lot and I'd love to share my thoughts and feelings once more. I make no promises about blogging regularly or keeping to a theme. I think I just need a place to document my growth, ideas and feelings, and since this has been a great outlet for that before, I am doing it again.

So, welcome back to this journey with me. May my thoughts and beliefs inspire and offend you.

Ella Faye

we danced together alone.

I am sorry it has been so long since I last wrote.

my world has been so crazy and out of control, and I was really at a loss for words.

honestly, I came on here and started to write at least 15 times, but for some reasons, words escaped my mind and i'd find myself staring at phrases that couldn't even begin to give a true picture of my world.

so here i am, trying again.

i am still, deeply and passionately in love with Michael. I am thankful every day that I have been blessed with such an amazing and Godly man, and I can't wait to start the rest of my life with him.

i am also blessed with great friends. i am surrounded by amazing people, who are carinf, passionate and genuine.

and something else I am grateful for, is my transition into becoming an adult. something I learned in my positive psych class, is that as we get older, we rid the negative relationships in our lives, and i've really been pushing to do this recently.

i tried so hard to be friends with some people, for so long. but i can't do the manipulation or the immaturity any longer. people who tell my friends that i "take advantage" of them or manipulate the people around them into fearing them, need to grow up, and it's not my job to make that happen. i don't need to spend my life walking on eggshells, i'd rather ruffle some feathers now and have the freedom of being able to enjoy my life.

and finally, i'm closing doors, and finding closure to a lot of things i have been struggling with.

so, to sum up the past month.

i love my boyfriend.
i admire my friends.
i miss my dad.
i am tired of immaturity.
i long for direction.
i respect myself.
i hate watching people i love be manipulated.
i ache for closure.
i enjoy my freedom.

i am working on me.

hopefully i will be back to explain further soon.

- ella faye

this is the last time, i won't hurt you anymore.

taylor swift sometimes explains my life better than i can.

i'll be back at blogger post crazy midterm times in my life.

- ella faye

makes me wanna take the long way home.

so, i decided sometimes i'm sick of knowing people read my blog, but never give me any feedback as to what they like/dislike about what i have to say/write.

as much as this is a space for me to use to vent, express my feelings, and share stories, it's a place for you to get to know someone, and to know you're not on your own. life is crazy for everyone, and it's nice to think someone else out there gets that.

anyways. i now have a special email just for you all, no matter where you are. questions or comments, it's your turn. you guys are important to me!

ella.fayye@yahoo.ca

it's all you now!

- ella faye

i got more in store, and you got me.

oh man,

sometimes, now that i'm in my twenties, i realize some people grow up, and others don't.

this is my blog about oktoberfest.

people who don't?

my dear friend nathan. love him to bits, but seriously, maybe you don't need to try and take a girl home every time we go out! i feel like he stops appreciating our friendship whenever a girl in a slinky outfit walks by. we've been through a lot, and i will love him till the end, but i wish i felt more valuable more often in our friendship.

kevin. seriously? you introduced a girl to me as your "friends with benefits"! i feel so bad for that poor girl! not because she's hooking up with you, because i know you can be a nice guy, but i'd be so embarassed if someone ever introduced me as their "friends with benefits". One more reason i'm glad we broke up in first year!

adrian. don't apologize to me for not being friends, but refuse to admit you were an ass and believed gossip about me that wasn't true. at this point, who cares if i called you a player! if i had, said it, i'd own it by now.

sarah's friends. sarah has a new boyfriend, so what? don't awkwardly stare at him and not talk to him all night. you don't have to pick john or sarah, you should just be nice friends and get over yourselves.

kassym. don't cheat! i love you man, but don't text your ex or dance with other girls all the time if you're committing to a new relationship. sometimes you have to make hard choices, and playing two girls is the WRONG ONE. but no worries, i still love you tons even though you make bad choices.

john. no contact means no contact. don't say things to me to say to sarah. just don't talk to me about her if this is so much of an issue.

me right now. i'm feeling bitchy about people that whole night. it was super fun, but i'm sick of other peoples drama, which is why i'm venting, but i stayed calm, collected and friendly all night, in spite of the craziness.

people who do?

sarah. i'm so proud of her these days. she broke up with john, and he was a great guy, but i never thought they were as happy together as they could be. it's sad that he got hurt, but i know she did the best thing for her. and now, she is seeing someone new, and his is great. i've never seen her so happy, and he treasures her the way she deserves to be. i think i've finally met someone who isn't related to sarah, who cares about her as much as i do! it's crazy! and people have given her such a hard time for following her heart, but she has stayed true to herself, and that's awesome.

mark. he finally pick a girl i approve of. thank. you. jesus.

zeuner. i love when you stand up for yourself. i want you to be proud of who you are and your choices, and it makes me happy when you don't decide to do things just to appease other people.

miguel. i like that you're doing your own thing now. i know you didn't even go to oktoberfest, but a) being generous to give your ticket to a friend, and b) knowing your limits and when to stay in and do you (not in the literal sense, but if that is what you needed, then go for it!) that shows a lot of maturity. i'm proud of you!

me. i didn't even get mad at anyone while the night progressed! only today.

so as you can see, it was quite the crazy night for me, full of people whining, a crazy ex-boyfriend, a loser who i had to live in res with second year that i'd hoped to never see again, lots of fun dancing, beer, and good friends :)

just how university is supposed to go!

- ella faye

i'm walking in a fire (when i walk into you)

oh hey.

so i got out of gotcha, finally.

i forgot when i excitedly posted about it how my excitement only lasts for like, 3 days, and then i just am embarassed to be carrying a sword around in public places. however, I was the last don left in the game, so i did accomplish that goal.

in other news, my floors is hilarious as ever. they're stressed with midterms and stuff, and i am too, but it makes me feel old to see them go through this milestone. i don't even really remember my first round of midterms or if i was particularly nervous. weird.

i also went to oktoberfest, but that deserves it's own post, so i'll try and get that to you tomorrow.

school is crazy for me right now, so excuse me if i'm even less consistant than usual. life is crazy.

but back to what i originally intended to blog about today.

i am desperate for a job for next term.

not in the "i'm willing to use jobmine and take a crappy job way" but in a "i'm ready to get a job that will help to further my career when i'm done school" kind of way.

i dream about it, i wake up with the sweats thinking about it (i know, more imagery than you needed)

i've never been stressed like this before. if i don't find a job, it's not that big of a deal, because i can a school term and stay here. it's not ideal financially, but in spite of my strained relationship with my mom, i know she has my back and would support me in that. but i don't want to fail, i want to be able to achieve the standard i have set for myself in this area.

and i want my floor to be proud of me! i want them to see me as success and value my thoughts and opinions about how they can succeed here at university as well! i know i can't make them all like me, and it's not my job to be their friend all the time, but i like to be liked, i think everyone does. it just scares me that i don't have control over this situation.

so, it's time for me to be vulnerable, and accept that i am not always in control of every detail of my life. it's a learning experience, but i'll get there.

well, we'll see what happens. keep rooting for me!

- ella faye